Friday, September 29, 2006
should be immensely interested in but which do not interest me at
here are a few examples
There is this friend of mine who cuts her hair every fortnight(I m
NOT kidding!!)..she cuts it every fortnight and then the next day she
comes and stands in front of me and our conversation is somthing like
Friend : hey Revs notice anything new in me??
Revs : er...hmmm...(squinting my eyes as if i m really making an effort
to notice her)
Friend : oh c'mon yaar...isnt it obvious??
Revs : of course it is..i m just thinking of how i shud put it(this is a
terrible lie..i notice nothing new and just dont want to hurt her)
Friend: my haircut u moron!!! i have done a step cum layer cum crew cum
mushroom cut(ok i made that up..but seriously she did say something on
Revs: ah!!yes ofcourse..i noticed it the minute u came into the
room..dint know the name of the haircut though(this is another terrible
lie..very frankly speaking her hair looks just the same to me.the
length is the same the texture is the same and the colour is the same
and she spent 150 bucks to achieve this effect)
Now i have literally no hair left on my head(courtsey hostel water and
food) and so i get a haircut only when my grandmother tells me "ur hair
looks like the end of a rats tail"(not very flattering i know but
grandmothers are not exactly known for their panache)
2. PAINTING TOENAILS
I have never really understood the whole idea behind painting toe
nails..i mean seriously speaking how many of u out there look at ur own
toe nails?? i ll be very frank..the only time i actually notice my toe nails is
when i m getting jacked by a prof for not submitting assignments on
time or for not writing a test and i m standing with my head bent
down(trying to look ashamed)..i hardly listen to what those anally
retentive professors have to say so i stand silently and admire my toe
nails(not painted of course!!!)
Many of my friends take great pains to wash their feet well,pat it dry
and then spend half an hour deciding what color would suit their toe
nails and then start applying one coat of paint, then wait for fifteen
minutes for that to dry and then apply a second coat(when asked why a
single coat wouldnt suffice i have been given looks which say "huh!!how
can u be such a dumb witted moron"...apparently two coats ensure that
the paint on the toe nails lasts longer and doesnt chip off, which is
useless according to me becuase after two days they take a solution
which smells worse than a public urinal and remove the paint to paint
their toe nails with another color that matches their dress!!)
3. WEARING EARRINGS
One more thing which leaves me flabbergasted is why people make asuch
a big issue of not wearing earrings
This is the conversation which takes place almost daily between my
friends and myself
Friend: ugh!!!u r looking horrible
now i have no illusions about my looks but naturally when some one
makes a statement like that u tend to look into the mirror, which is
what i did and finding the result quite satisfactory i asked
Revs : why?? i look fine..
Friend : the hell u do..where r ur earrings?
Revs :(looking into the mirror and confirming the statement)yeah so i
havent worn earrings so what??
Friend: wait!!she disappears into her room, takes a huge box(she has got several(one for
earings,one for rings,one for chains...thats when i stopped
she comes back with a pair of earrings which are a feet
long and waves them at me and says "wear these"
and i run out of the room
Needless to say she wasnt very pleased..
I had a serious talk with my friend and according to her if u dont wear
earrings and chains it means that u come from a very poor family and ur
parents cant afford to get u such things..such trinkets are the signs
of prosperity..i was so appalled that i just refrained from commenting.
Phew!!though this does sound surprising i just CANNOT stand
shopping..my kind of shopping would be going into a shop picking a
dress paying for it and coming out..the whole process should take 15
minutes...but my idea of shopping is very very different from my
friends idea of shopping
They go to this hellhole called Tnagar(which at any given point of time
in the day and at any given point of time in the year is
crowded,hot,sultry and dirty) and u should see the grins on their faces
when they see a discount or sale..
And then they go into a shop and this is the conversation which takes
Friend: Show me the green one on the extreme left pile,the third from
Friend then checks the color, texture, material, price, length,
breadth, volume, area, density etc for about half an hour and then
says: Not this one show me the blue one.
This goes on for about two hours after which the most shocking thing is
that my friend turns to me and says "i dint like anything in this
shop..lets go to the next one"
Revs(thinks) :What the #%$^&*????
but i willingly oblige..sigh!!the pains of friendship...
The kind of shoes which some of the girls wear, shock the wits
outta me..i mean personally i feel that u should wear shoes,sandals
which u are comfortable in..and the look of the footwear should only be secondary..but the idea of comfortable footwear is taboo wit my friends..the more uncomforatble it is the better..some of my friends wear shoes which have pointed heels and have one string in the toe area and one string in the heel area both of which eat into their skin but it doesnt bother them as ong as it looks good..
me!! i wear a pair of black floaters which are torn on one side and have lost the velcro strap but i still wear it because it is so damned comfortable..
Phew!!i swear i havent exaggerated at all in this post..and i find some of the things which these girls do downright silly...i love my friends but i cant help but laugh at their idiosyncracies!!:):)
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
I have lost 1500 bucks in the past two weeks in cash and about three photocopies of my notes all of them amounting to about 100 bucks..
No i m not complaining...but still it would feel nice if Murphy(of the law fame) wouldnt always target me...i have had a really crappy week with everything going against me...
It all began on sept 15 when our dept symposium was scheduled...on sept 13 i was cutting a piece of thermocol with a blade at 12 in the night and i cut my finger deep with that rusted blade and the wound started bleeding like crazy and with absolutely no first aid or medical facilities i just tied my hand with a rag to stem the bleeding and had to go get a tetanus the next day
i proved one murphy's law
- You will cut ur hand in the worst possible way only when there is a lot of work to do and when there are no medical facilities
And then all of us had worked our butt off for the symposium and were under extreme pressure to perform because we as final yrs were conducting the sympoium and as luck would have it, it rained on the night of sept 14th at 11.00...at first i just dint believe it..all our high profile decoration of the campus was getting washed away right in front of our eyes...the great database which had been developed by a couple of guys for online registration couldnt be used and we had to switch over to manual registration...as expected it did not rain on the days when the other departments had their symposiums...i have a strong feeling that had i been in any other dept it would have rained then...if there is one person who truly and wholly loves me it is Murphy..he might as well have written his laws for me...
i proved two laws
- If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
- Things get worse under pressure.
Then came sunday and i had to give my mock CAT...i was talking animatedly to my friend and suddenly someone was said "u can start writing" and i furiously started working out without reading the instructions and i mistook all the two marks for one marks and vice versa..and for those two and a half hours i was so thrilled that i knew so many two marks..i should have known it was too good to be true..and i totally messed up my CAT..not that i would have done any better otherwise but my scores reached an all time new low because of this..
i proved yet another law
- If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
After that i broke the news that i had lost 1500 bucks at home and i got jacked bigtime with ususal dialogues like "u do not realise how hard amma and appa work to give u such luxuries in life..u r careless,u r irresponsible......" and many more things but after about 25 seconds i just stopped listening...my mom then spoke for about half an hour about how responsible she was when she was young only because she cared about her parents
i proved another law
- The effectiveness of a telephone conversation is in inverse proportion to the time spent on it.
And then there was a test on monday and since i had done miserably in the first two tests i actually sat and prepared for it...(a shitty paper called Environemntal scinece and engineering)..and i came on monday confident of passing and they told me that the test had been postponed
i proved another law
- The probability of a test being held is inversely proportional to ur preparation for the test
There were many small things which happened that week but seriously i dont have the patience to go into all that..
everything seemed to go wrong all at once proving yet another law
Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws Everything goes wrong all at once.
You never run out of things that can go wrong.
Sigh!!!Murphy i really appreciate ur concern for me but i really wouldnt mind if u shifted ur affections to someone else for a little while..i really wouldnt!!!
Monday, September 25, 2006
Its been five yrs since I left Gujarat...I have been living in Chennai for the past five years and I just love this place...I have never ever missed Gujarat even once. ..Trust me...Maybe because I m the kind of person who just adapts and blends with the surroundings but seriously I have fallen head over heels in love with Chennai. Except for those nine days in the year...Those nine days which just personify the word celebration if I had been in gujarat...Yeah I m talking about navratri and garba celebrations...oh man....do I miss Gujarat or what???
Here in Chennai navratri is stacking up dolls on an odd number of shelves and calling virgin girls to sing...No, I m not a cynic...I love golu too but nothing ,absolutely nothing beats the enthusiasm and fun of those nine days of dancing...Phew!! Even just thinking about the amount of energy which is exuded each night makes me tired…Dancing till 2 and 3 in the night in wonderful dresses ,the best thing I like about garba is that young and old alike dance away to glory with everyone and without a care in the world…and the music and beats are just outta the world…it is a perfect mélange of fun, excitement and friendship…some of the best times that I have had in Gujarat have been during navratri…
Here in Chennai no one even knows what garba or dandia raas is…hilariously the word garba is very similar to the tamil word for pregnancy (garbam) and when I ask people if they like garba I get these really weird looks because of which I have even stopped using the word garba…I have had enough of people looking at me like I m a weirdo escaped from a mental asylum…
Sigh!!! I could just kill to go to Gujarat now, spend nine days and then be back in Chennai which is really where I belong…I wonder when I will learn to strike a balance between the Gujarati and the Iyer inside me???
But right now all i want to do is take a nice hot bath, curl up with a good novel and go to sleep shutting out the rest of the world...
Well i m doing the next best thing...Blogging :):), and chatting with some equally jobless ppl on orkut...i just dont want to acknowledge the million things that are just waiting to be attended to...hmmmm..wouldnt it be nice if u just closed ur eyes and then opened it to find all these things taken care of!!!
Sigh!!! No surprise that a wise person once said.."If wishes were horses beggars would ride"...
Hmmm well anyway so with nothing much to do i have decided to hang around in blogosphere for some time...Happy Blogging Revs :):)
Friday, September 22, 2006
Today I tried to commit suicide… why did I do it??? I don’t know…I keep asking myself that question and I don’t get any reply from myself…I knew it would hurt…I knew that if I was rescued I would surely cry for taking such a step…despite knowing all this I decided and tried to end my life…people had warned me that it would hurt but hell when have I ever listened to what ppl say…I always believed in trying to experience the actual feeling…and man it hurts like crazy both physically and mentally…
Yeah today I went and watched KANK!!! Damn !!I knew from my past experiences with karan johar movies that it would suck but even after knowing that it was sure death I went ahead and watched it…
I watched KKHH and I swore to myself that I would get a CD(pirated of course) for his next movie and I wouldn’t waste 90 bucks on his gooey sappy diabetically sweet movies…( tusi ja rahe ho???tusi na jao!!!says a sickeningly sweet sardar kid in that movie...Oh man!! How corny can u get?)
Next came K3G and johar promised that it was a ‘family’movie…once an idiot always an idiot…I actually believed that karan johar might probably be dishing out some good movie and I went to the theater(another 90 bucks down the drain) and went and watched it…after I came out I told everyone that wild horses wouldn’t drag me to the next movie by karan johar…the movie was so horrendously bad and logicless (not that hindi film directors really know what logic is but still I expected at least some kind of plot) that I was speechless for some time(and If u know me u will know that it is very very difficult for me to be speechless)
Next came kal ho na ho (KHNH) and I m proud to say that I kept my promise and did not watch the movie…I m stupid but not that stupid…and then the next day ppl came and told me what a great movie it was and how it touched their heartstrings…hmmm…yeah u r right…old habits die hard and experienced idiots never learn… I went and watched KHNH too (thankfully only 70 bucks down the drain this time)…and after I came out I looked for the nearest gutter to put my head into or the nearest torn slipper(pinja serrupu) to hit myself with…pulling at my heartstrings???? The only thing that movie did pull was money outta my purse…sharukh as usual tried to “act” by crying buckets and buckets of water… (and damn I thought I could derive sadistic pleasure by laughing at sharukh’s funeral when he dies but karan johar has to play spoil sport…he dint even show sharukh dying let alone his funeral…the closing of the hospital door was his symbolic way of telling us that F**(k)ing khan had died)…well whatever as long as he died I was happy to see preity go with saif…
Then came KANK…hmmm what can I say…the first time when I saw KKHH u can probably say I dint know…the second time(K3G) u could have excused me saying “koi baat nahi…she must have been attracted to the huge star cast”… the third time(KHNH) u would have grudgingly conceded that “she must have watched the movie for saif”…but the fourth time there are no excuses…it was suicide plain and simple…I knew how it would be, I knew it would hurt and I knew that I was being an idiot but I still went and watched it…and oh man!!! what can I say…I have read so many blogs by people giving bad reviews for KANK that I don’t wanna write about that nonsense…all I can say is that KANK does to ur system what a laxative does to ur loose motions…
I don’t think I need to say anything else…:D:D
Saturday, September 02, 2006
I hate weddings...no…let me be specific...I hate Indian weddings...no...Let me be even more specific…I hate south Indian weddings…this might sound like a hypocritical statement coming from a south Indian but I haven’t attended any north Indian weddings and hence I have no right to comment…
I must blog about a wedding which I attended about a week back…my cousin was getting married and I was chosen as a representative from my family to attend the wedding(that’s the problem if ur parents stay in a godforsaken place called jamnagar where they know no one and send u to Chennai to study where they know everyone)…well anyway so I was sent to attend this wedding…and to give me company was my sister(who got married an year back and was representing her family)…I already hate weddings and when u have a sister who has the IQ of a jellyfish and the sense of direction of Columbus for company let me tell u that u have had it…
We were to attend the janavaasam at 7.00 in the evening… my sister was supposed to come and pick me up at 7.00…by the time she came it was 7.30 and we left at about 8…the kalyana mandapam is about 2 minutes drive and fifteen minutes walk from my place… but my sister(r’ber I told u that she has the IQ of a jellyfish) suggested that we avoid all the traffic and take a shortcut to the wedding…when asked if she knew the shortcut well she gave me the kind of look which I guess was last seen when Hitler looked at the Jews… well anyway so we set out on a street which had never heard of the terms sodium vapor lamp and mercury vapor lamp…the street was pitch dark and preethi(my sister) decided she would take the road parallel to the kalyana mandapam and very accurately turned at a street which was exactly perpendicular to the kalyana mandapam(I told u she had the sense of direction of Columbus)… and we came to a stop at a deadend…she took a U turn and tried her level best(well…. the best which her IQ allowed that is) to catch the road parallel to the mandapam…well this went on and finally we reached the road only to discover that it was a one way…so my sister suggested we park the vehicle and walk the distance to the sathram… by that time I was so pissed all I wanted to do was reach the mandapam and eat…so we started walking towards the mandapam…we walked and walked and walked but there was no sight of the sathram…I suggested we ask someone but preethi suggested we go back, get the vehicle and try to locate the mandapam…so we took the vehicle and reached the mandapam only to find that it was about 100 mts from the place where we decided to go and get the vehicle…aaaaargggghhhhh!!
Well anyway so we finally reached the sathram at around 8.30 and the function was over and most of the guests had started leaving…but thankfully the food was still there…but we thought it would be extremely rude if we directly attacked the food without even saying hello…so we went and met my cousin, saw the groom and paid our respects to my grandmothers 86 yr old sister…
After that one of my periammas took the responsibility of introducing us to the rest of the relatives…
She told us “there are nine ppl in our family sita, gita, vasantha, balaji, rajaram, sudha, ramakrishnan, ramdas and shankar narayanan” and pointed each one of them to my sister and me…
My sister and I: (only half listening): oh!! Appdiya…yevalavu periya kudumbam..
Periamma: ippo yelaroda perayum thiruppi sollu paakalam!!
My sister and I(thought) : what the $%$^$%&????
But just politely smiled…
And then we met a couple of relatives…the following was the conversation which took place between two of my relatives and my sister
Periamma 1(introducing my sister to another relative): meet preethi- graduate of BITS-Pilani and working for sathyam…preethi meet Sandhya ur grandmother’s sister’s first daughter’s second daughter and also the brother of Sridhar
Preethi: (striving for an intelligent _expression): Oh!! Eppidi irrukel??
Well after this conversation we went and had our dinner and after dinner there was another conversation which went something like this
Periamma 2(pointing to Sandhya[(the same one as in the previous conversation]) : Preethi…do u remember Sandhya ??
Preethi : Of course I do…Sandhya!! Sridhar’s wife!!
Sandhya : (with a sour expression): actually I m sridhar’s sister not his wife…
LOL!!! Well now u know how bright my sister is…needless to say sandhya was not very pleased.
Next I had about 13 different ppl coming and pulling my cheeks apart and telling me how they had last seen me when I was in diapers and how much I had grown in the pat 19 yrs!!ugh..what do they expect..that I will still attend the wedding in diapers eh?? Naana sonnen ivalavu naal yenna paaka vendam nu?? Cha!! That is one thing I cant stand in weddings “yevlunda irundha nee ivalavu perusa aaitiye”…
And how can I forget the kutcheris..
Some poor soul will be singing away to glory with not a single person carrying two hoots about the music..this was the conversation I heard between two maamis in the first row when the kutcheri was going on
Maami 1: yen di Ambujam indha podava nee yenga vangina??
Maami 2: indha podava naa RMKV lu vanginen...super collection…
Maami 1: aana nethiku dhaan rangam idhe madri pachai podava yum araku border um potundu vandhale…ava sundari silks lu vanginen nu sonna…nee yevalavu vela kooduthu vangina?? Ava 3000 rs kuduthalam??
Maami 2(with an expression of triumph on her face): oh ho!! Appdiya..na discount lu 2500 rs ku vanginen
All this while that poor soul was doing heavy alabanai in keeravani…ayyo pavam…
There were actually many many more incidents which happened that day but I m not able to recount them and this blog is getting way too long anyway!!
My next blog will be on the advantages of weddings and why i like them...;);)
P.S: Preethi if u r reading this then I m sorry but it is time u came to terms with the fact that ur IQ is equal to that of a DUMB jellyfish!! :D:D