Wednesday, December 13, 2006

LIFE IS TOUGH...

Its tough being in a family of over- achievers...Its tough having parents who do 25 kms cycle trekking (at the age of 45 and 52 respectively) as a hobby...its tough having a mother who learns Vedic mathematics because it is "fun"...its tough having a sister who is a graduate of BITS-Pilani...its tough having cousins who think u r not fit to live if u haven’t studied in an IIT or an IIM...its tough having relatives who think if u write CAT u must get into an IIM...its tough having a grandmother who can multiply any two numbers given to her in her mind and give u the answer in 10 seconds...its tough having a great grand father who was a pioneer in the field of education and was a great mathematician and has a famous school in trichy named after him...all this can be really tough when u are the kind of person who thinks it is very very important to get at least 16 hours of sleep a day..a person who thinks exercise is important only when u go 20 kilos overweight, one who thinks that studying is a sin unless it is done just the night before the exam (and people studying just for "fun" should be institutionalized), one who is so pathetic in math that if asked to find the value of sin0 I would probably ask u for a calculator...sigh!!!
Life can be really tough sometimes...

Monday, December 11, 2006

Bliss, peace,happiness contentment..these are just some of the things i am feeling right now...yeah my exams got over today and i m so damned happy..there are some things which give u immense pleasure whenever they occur..some of them are,

1. The feeling u get after u finish ur last exam and rush to ur room in the hostel to pack ur bags and go home

2.The day after the exams get over and u accidently wake up at 7 AM and realise that u can go back to sleep till eternity instead of leaping sleepily out of bad,hastily brushing ur teeth and hitting ur books.

3.u feel hungry at 3.00 in the night after watching four movies back to back and then realise that u need not remain hungry because u are at home(not hostel) and mummy dearest has stacked the refrigerator with ur favorite dishes

4. on a weekday when u have to attend college and u set the alarm for 7.00 and u accidently wake up at 6.30 and get out of bed only to realise that u still have half an hour of sleep to go

5. When a professor forgets about a test he/she announced and u realise that u didn't waste time studying for it..

6.The feeling of completeness and bliss u experience when u walk on a tree lined road after it has rained heavily and the sky is still overcast

7. u got to the hostel mess to eat the crap the cook has dished out only to find that some friend's kind mother has sent enough food for the entire batch to feed on for a day.

8.When u have a craving for a particular book and by chance the next day either someone lends it to u or u find it in the library.

I could keep going on but i just finished my exams today and i m gonna go and hit the bed and rediscover sleep....zzzzzzzzzzz...

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Late on Sunday evening one of the most loving and nicest human beings I have ever known passed away...Maami...a close relation of mine. I do not want to spoil the beauty of my relationship with maami by elucidating how she was related to me. Very few ppl would actually understand what my sister and I have shared with her.

For the past year (11 months to be precise) I have seen her fight a losing battle with blood cancer. I have seen the cancer slowly eat into her body in a slow tortuous way...In all these months I have seen her resolve break very rarely. even as I write this tears well up in my eyes as I think of the way maami was 11 months back, full of life, a zest to live and cheerful and a few weeks back when she was nothing but a bag of bones -some flesh here a muscle there. After watching the cancer eat away maami with vengeance I have come to the conclusion that death by any other means other than cancer is welcome.. the last four five months have been living hell for maami's family with each new medicine promising new hope and then failing miserably after maami's frail body refused to accept it...I think every well wishers prayer over the last few months has been a peaceful death for maami.

And for the people she leaves behind mourning for her...what can I say??? I have always maintained that it is the people that a dead person leaves behind who are to be pitied more than the person... She leaves behind a man who has been hopelessly dependent on her for the past 40 yrs for every small need of his. I really cannot imagine maama without his better half and needless to say he is devastated by her death

She leaves behind a son and a daughter (who come second and third in being the nicest ppl I know by the way) who have been hopelessly praying that a miracle just might cure their mother. I think the worst thing about the whole affair was that both the son and daughter are living in the US and hence were unable to be with her day and night in the last few months. I really can’t imagine what they must be going through because I can’t imagine just getting up one day and realising u don’t have a mother anymore. Even if u pay a million dollars u can never ever see her again, talk to her touch her. Reality bites and Death can be a cruel but efficient reminder of realities.

I can’t forget all those navratris when maami has called my sister and me to visit her house and would ALWAYS have some trinket for us when we left. How she cared for us like a grandmother, the way she genuinely blessed us to have great careers and a good life. I have never noticed anything false about this lady and that is saying something because I am a VERY cynical person and it takes me quite some time to like someone...I don’t think I can write anything more mainly because I cannot seem to type any further and also because I m not qualified enough to write anything more about her.

This is a tribute to a person who loved to live and lived to love...
May her soul rest in peace...

Monday, December 04, 2006

I wrote a paper called web technology today...this is becoming a routine u know. I write an exam and then I come in the afternoon and blog about my miserable performance. The worst part is that I studied so damned hard for this stupid paper..All in vain. I have been averaging 3 hrs sleep a day for the past four days and nothing NOTHING of what i studied came in the paper. I might as well have not studied anything. The paper was full of programs. Not that it wasn’t expected but it sure gave me a shock because hardly any programs had been asked in the previous years (yeah!!That’s how we study. We look at the past year question papers and decide what to study and what not to study)...well anyway it was a pathetic performance.

Realisation has just dawned me that I am NOT fit to be an engineer. I m probably the most useless engineer there ever was. I have zero technical knowledge, i am rubbish at programming and run miles when I hear about a technical seminar or symposium. suddenly after all these years I m being faced by the question "why engineering and what have I learnt in the four yrs of engineering”
Answering the first question is kind of tricky.

I think doing engineering was not a conscious decision on my part. I guess it was just assumed that I would do engineering. Other avenues were not even considered. One of the main reasons for this was the fact that I eleventh I set my mind on getting into BITS. Whatever I did for two years of secondary schooling I wanted to join BITS. In fact I was so hell bent on getting into BITS and was so sure that I would make it that I dint even feel the need to study hard for tnpcee or aieee.and I wanted to do engineering only if it was in BITS. I worked my ass out those two years and did all my exams pretty decently. Then came the last exam computer science. The exam was the day before the world cup India Australia match. i saw the whole match and wasted time.Time which i could have used to study.

OUTCOME??? Well I did almost as badly as India did in that match (maybe worse) and lost 14 valuable in comp sci.14 marks which cost me my precious dream place-BITS.

I think the only ever time in life when I was ABSOLUTELY broken and dejected and cried like I had lost everything in the world was June 30th 2003 when a cold and impersonal web page announced the fact that I had missed BITS by 1%...

After that I just wrote my SSN entrance exam like a zombie, was extremely disappointed when I got a seat in computer science of department of SSN. The top engineering college among 235 colleges, excellent placement record blah blah.....but it was not BITS. It has been four years and though I have had unbelievable fun in this place I think a part of me has still not recovered from that jolt of not getting into BITS.

Well anyway I am digressing. So engineering it was. I dint want to do engineering at all. Tried to give the exam for B.A. Journalism in MOP but everything was against me. registration for the test was over(I was so sure of getting into bits that I hadn’t even bothered to look up other colleges) and I was stuck with being an engineer...

Coming to the second part what have I learnt in four yrs of engineering have learnt many things about life. I have met some great people, made some really cool friends, few enemies too (read juniors),learnt a lot about people. Learnt that there is a hell a lot of difference between staying with people 24*7 in the hostel and spending some 6 hrs with them in college. I have learnt to laugh over my mistakes, get over my shortcomings,learnt to adjust with ppl, learnt to wash clothes(oh yeah!! my clothes are no longer multicolored because I left that bright red dress along with the pure white top and now both are a similar shade of red),organized events, had some serious fun and so many other things...

Now where does Computer Science and Engineering figure in this mess???U r right..It doesn’t figure anywhere. Which is why I m left wondering after every pathetic exam why the hell I m even doing engineering. Well I guess it is a little too late to ask this question when my graduation is only months away. Might as well sit back and enjoy what is left of it...but sometimes i do well i could have done something else much better with a lot more interest...Sigh!! Life would be so cool without the what if's!!!

Friday, December 01, 2006

THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION

Had a paper called Networks Protocols Security and Management today..I have done it so miserably that i m wondering if CTS and CSC will snatch their offer letters if i fail in this paper!! (Incidentally this is the million dollar question..Will he or Wont he snatch the offer letter)...

Only one thing keeps my hopes high..Maybe, just maybe they wont fail students in their penultimate semester..

Sigh!! lets see..till then i m going to keep my fingers crossed..please do drop in a prayer for me the next time u go to the temple..: ( : (

P.S: I knew it!! i knew that the job offers i had got from CTS and CSC were just too good to be true!!