Saturday, April 21, 2007

Yipeee!!Project over :):)

Finally at long last after three months of breaking our heads, worrying and truckloads and truckloads of tension finally I have finished the final review of my project and after the review I wonder why I took such pains. Seriously the external was as interested in our project as Mother Teresa would be in reading Playboy. We were the batch before tea break and He looked at his watch twice, looked at our five minute presentation for about thirty seconds and asked us to show him the demo in two minutes and all the while he listened to all this with an extremely expressionless face. I swear I have seen more expression on John Abraham’s face (who though he looks good cant act to save his life). No wait it is a crime to even take the name of this external in the same breath as john. Atleast u can look at john even if u cant stand his acting but this external looked like he was a cross between a gorilla and Rabri Devi and had been dropped on his head when he was young(his questions confirmed this fact).

All the time when we were explaining our project we kept screaming “encryption encryption” till our lungs were hoarse and at the end of it he looks at the three of us (stupid us!!we were scared that he might actually ask us something which we would not be able to answer) and says “all is ok. But how u securing ur system. U doing encryption?”. Even now I wonder how I controlled myself and how I restrained myself from showing him my middle finger. I am so proud of myself. With clenched teeth I told him, “Sir. We are doing encryption using 1024 bit key RSA”. Oh ok he said (as if it made any difference to him).

Actually it is my fault. After four years of studying in an engineering college in Chennai I cant believe I expected the external to know something and ask intelligent questions. I cant believe that I expected some guy who would appreciate the fact that we hadn’t “bought” the project at some consultancy but had sat and worked ourselves out for the project. All these years when I have felt that my college professors are dumb god sends some external from a college as if to tell me “u think ur college professor has no brains?? You just have to check out this guy”.

Whatever I feel ashamed to say that I was scared before in entered the lab to give my final review. I was pacing corridors, kneading my hands, sweating like a pig and yawning (something I do when I am tensed :P:P) and all for someone who was only interested in getting rid of us and going for tea. Cha so much for three months of sleepless nights, doing bloody documentation and useless worry. Whatever!! It is over and I am almost an engineer!! Almost( and a completely useless one at that).

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Am I silly or are there other people out there like me. The other day I was walking on the road when a malli poo (the night queen or raat ki rani) fell on me and it brought back memories of the lazy summers spent at my grandmothers place when the pookari used to come home and give it. Certain smells bring back hordes of memories for me. I dunno if this happens with everyone or not. A week back the smell of a lux soap brought back memories of second and third std when I spent of most of the time at my aunt’s place where they used the same lux soap.
There are many such incidents like this.

1.The smell of diwali firecrackers brings back the memories of second standard when I lit fire to my neighbours son’s hair(before u guys start giving me the looks let me tell u that it was completely unintentional.) and my mother put it out.

2.The smell of mysore sandal soap and filter coffee brings back the summers of sixth and seventh when we used to go to madras for summer hols and after a two day long(and smelly) journey in the train we took bath using mysore sandal soap and freshly brewed coffee(made by paati dearest) used to await us.

3.The smell of mavdu thanni brings back all the summer holidays when we used to come back after playing for a full day in the hot sun completely sweaty and dirty and after having a bath paati used to give us thayir sadam in our hands with a little bit of the mavadu thanni on top. It was the closest I went to experiencing heaven.

4.The smell of the rain(mann vasanai/mitti ki khushboo) brings back the memories of the days spent cuddled in a sofa reading an amazing book sipping tea and having some heavenly bhajjis made by amma.

5.The smell of Vaseline reminds me of those cold winters spent in Jamnagar when my skin used to be like the sahara desert(It used to be so dry. This is a joke. This is where u r supposed to go ha ha ha ha.)

6.The smell of garnier face wash brings back memories of first sem when I sincerely used it and later stopped because I started spending my own money on these things after first sem (when mom bought all my provisions). Shifted to the much cheaper hamam then .LOL.

7.The smell of surf excel brings back memories of third year when I used that to wash clothes in hostel.

8.The smell of vicks brings back memories of second sem when I suffered from severe sinus problems and that particular vicks dabba was like my life breath.

9.The smell of Fa deo takes me back to the fifth sem when I used that till I started itching in various places.

10.The smell of fevicol brings memories of final year where we destroyed a zillion rubber trees while doing the decoration work for our technical and cultural events.

I could just keep going on. These might not mean anything to u guys but each of these smells evoke hordes and hordes of memories of summer, winter, monsoons, college days and lovely school days. And before you declare that I am a sentimental fool me let me tell u that nothing can be further from the truth. I have no sentimental value for things people or places. I love change. I don’t keep the dress which I wore when I wrote my first english unit test in college and since I scored good marks in that I have been wearing that ever since for all my exams. I swear some of my friends have such sentiments. One of them does not take a bath before she leaves for an exam because it is lucky for her. LOL. No I m not such a person but what I have written above is something I just cannot control. If I smell something it just brings back all the good bad bitter sweet memories. Like I have already mentioned I dunno if this is normal or not. There was even a time when the smell of a public urinal bought back memories of the time I went to manali on a camp and was forced to use a loo used by fifty other people. Sheesh!!! Am I crazy or what??

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Teeth Troubles

Last week sometime I visited the dentist to fill a couple of cavities. For people who know me don’t u dare give me that “sigh!! Not again” look. But yeah I have visited the dentist so many times that I can look at Ogden Nash, smirk and say “ho ho..u silly sissy goose.u r scared of sitting in a dentist’s chair??”(for people who are like “duh!!Ogden who??" Go to google and type "Ogeden Nash This is going to hurt just a little bit. it should thorow up some meaningful links.i am too lazy to add a link here"). In fact the dentist is like a family friend. He comes for our family weddings, he knows where I study, how much I scored in my 12th boards and many such personal details.

It started in class 11th when my neighbour’s five yr old child took one look at my ‘smiling’ face and ran away screaming “poochandi varadhu poochandi varadhu” and then my mom took one look at me and said “ahem!!maybe its time we took you to a dentist..”

Now I have absolutely no illusions about my looks. I am the person whom mothers tell their young kids about when they don’t eat or drink milk “paal kudikalena onoda pallum andha akka madri aaidum”. I would smile benevolently at the child and it would gulp down the milk(whether it was out of fear of me or fear of the mother I still don’t know). I am about as related to beauty as Pamela Anderson is to TR.

But still I was taken to the dentist who reeled back after looking at me and asked my mother “when did the accident happen” for which my mother told him that I was born this way. And so it was decided that I would get braces. I screamed I shouted I fretted I fumed but to no avail. I tried telling them that whatever they did it wouldn’t make a difference because god had me that way and I had no complaints. But I was dragged and pushed on to the dentists chair and for the next four years, yes u heard and read right FOUR years I have undergone the torture. I removed my braces in my second year of college and till then every second Sunday of every month I would be sent to the dentists office where I would be made to lie in an extremely undignified manner and the dentist would put things like a hacksaw blade, a drill, jets of water, cement (no no..i am not talking about building a house. These were some of the instruments the dentist put in my mouth) and many other things whose name I do not know.

Well the fact that the dentist was good looking smart and funny did help reduce the pain to some extent(I was given 9 anesthesia injection to make my mouth numb while the doctor pulled four of my permanent teeth). I mean seriously when a guy like Tom Cruise is peering into your mouth and pulling ur teeth while giving u a drop dead gorgeous smile the pain seems to disappear away and I just stared at him open mouthed (both literally and figuratively)

Anyway after four years when I finally removed the mass of metal from my mouth I sought my neighbours now nine year old cheeky son took him to a room and gave him a dazzling smile. The last I heard he was undergoing treatment for shock.

So basically the braces did not make any difference and nothing good came out of four years of braces and in fact in those four years I suffered severe tooth decay (try brushing ur teeth with a huge mass of metal in ur mouth. Brushing was an extremely difficult and painful task and not something I looked forward to) and had to visit the dentist even more regularly to get those filled. And then after I removed my braces i filled a couple of teeth and then last week I filled two more. So Right now I have more fillings in my mouth than the amount of hair on TR’s and Anil Kapoor’s body put together, more fillings than the amount of fat on gabten’s body than the number of bags in my sister’s wardrobe than the number of viruses in my laptop than the number of…… I cant think of anything more. But I am sure you guys have a fair idea of how big a number I am talking about. I was just fantasizing that if after a million years some archaeologist excavates some part of earth and finds some parts of my body, say my teeth (this is assuming that a giant earthquake will occur and all of us will be buried under layers and layers of earth and our bodies will be completely decomposed by bacteria and nothing will be left except our teeth and bones (yeah I am a very optimistic person)) then he would hold up my teeth on national geographic and say,

“As u can see we are looking at the teeth of a mammal. These ” he would say holding up my amalgam filled teeth(yeah teeth fillings are made of amalgam(nanglum konjam 12th std chemistry ellam padichirukkom)) “seem like the teeth of a female orangutan. As you can see these teeth are much bigger than human teeth. We think that a million years ago orangutans and gorillas had teeth made of amalgam unlike human beings whose teeth were made of calcium carbonate. But we have come to this conclusion after studying this one case of a female orangutan and further research is under way”

Wow!! I will be famous then. Who cares if I was mistaken for a female orangutan. Atleast I(or a part of me) will be on TV a million years from now..
But jokes apart I have so much amalgam in my mouth that even before I die of an earthquake I think I will die of mercury poisoning (amalgam is an alloy of mercury).Usually people take up medical insurance for accidents, heart disease cancer etc but at my house my father has taken medical insurance for dental care (my sister has had braces, my mom has had root canal surgery and I have been born and brought up in the dentists office).

Anyway the bootom line is that I have had enough. From tomorrow I m gonna take good care of my teeth. I am going to brush twice a day (ok. At least once a day when paste is available in hostel :P:P) and stop eating chocolates and ice creams because the dentist is getting married next month and shifting to another place.. :( :(

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Have u ever been the source of a rumor and then have that rumor come back to you after an hour or two completely blown out of proportion. Believe me it is one of the funniest and most stress busting of all activities. So if u feel stressed out just catch a maami in ur flat or apartment and tell her some gilma matter and then sit back and wait for the same thing to come back to you.
This is what happened to me. A few days back suddenly the electricity went out late in the evening at my grandmother’s place (which by god’s grace is generously endowed with maami’s of all sizes and shapes). I was feeling extremely bored and I was just sitting in the balcony doing nothing when suddenly one of the maami’s strikes a conversation with me. (once these maami’s start talking it is very difficult to get them to shut up. I just took advantage of the situation). This was the conversation which took place between a maami and me.

M : yenna pa ippidi valaku etharu nerathala current poiduthu. Eppidi samaikaradhu??

Moi : aama maami. Kashtam dhaan.

M: yedhunaala current poirruku??

(I mentally rub my hands gleefully and spark off the rumor with an innocent look on my face)

Moi: yengyavadhu transformer veduchirukum maami..

M: (assimiliating this new piece of info with great joy): oh apdiya..

For the next fifteen minutes maami makes small talk asking me for the nth time about my final year project, about the company where I have got a job and why I m not studying further and if I m not studying further why I m not getting married and if I m not doing any of these then why I m wasting time at the grandmother’s place rather than living with my parents (at this time I decide to start off another rumor saying that my parents have taken sanyas and gone to the Himalayas but I decide against it thinking of the dire consequences I will have to face once I go home). After all this maami wanders off to talk to yet another maami and I sit back and enjoy the drama

This is the conversation between maami 1 and maami 2

M2 : yen di ambujam current yen poirruku ippidi valaku yethara nerathala??

M1 : theriyala di anguchi. Adyar area oda Transformer vedichirukkum nenaikaren.

M2: Oh!! Apdiya..seri seri seri

This is the conversation between maami 2 and maami 3

M3: adiye anguchi current yen poirruku ippidi sayangala velai la??

M2: theriyala di rangam. Adyar area oda Transponder (God bless NASA and ISRO. I hope this never happens ;)) vedichirukkame!!

M3: Oh!! Adhu dhaan vishayama?? Seri seri

This is the conversation between maami 3 and maami 4

M4: yenna di rangam current ippidi poiduthu

M3: Adyar area oda transponder bayangrama vedichuduthaame!! Yaaruko adi patudho theriyala..

M4: ayyayo…seri di

This is the conversation between maami 4 and maami 5

M5: adiye vanaja yenna di velichaame ila??

M4: unnaku theriyadha?? Adyar area oda transponder vedichu 4 perukku bayangra adiyama!! Malar hospital dhaan kuttinda poirpaanga nu nenaikaren.

M5: ada kadavule.

This is the conversation between maami 5 and maami 6

M6: adiye jalaja kelu di.. yenna achu?? Current kaanum. Neeyum ippidi paraparaapa irruka??

M5: ayyo unnakum theriyadha?? Adyar area transponder vedichu 4 perukku baynagram adi pattu ippo malra hospital kuttindu poirkanga..yeppo current varum nu theriyala

M6: ayyayo

This is the conversation between maami 6 and maami 7

M7: adiye savithri yenna orey irrutu. Current ila ya??

M6: aaman di. Adyar area transponder vedichu 4 perukku baynagram adi pattu ippo malar hospital kuttindu poirkanga. Inniku full day current varadhame.. yenna pandradhu nu theriyala.

At this point I can no longer control myself and I approack maami7 and ask her what the commotion is all about. She tells me.

M7: ila di. Adyar area oda transponder vedichu konja perukku bayangrama adi pattu ippo dhaan malar hospital ku kuttindu poirukka. Innum 4 days ku current varadham!! Na velacherry lu yen ponnu aathuku poren. 4 days ellam current ila ma irruku mudiyadhu.

After the maami goes I am rolling on the floor laughing like I have lost it. Had some great fun that day. I started off the rumor with a "maybe a transformer has broken down" and it comes back to me as "a transponder in the adyar area has broken down.some people have been badly hurt and have been taken to malar hospital and there will be no electricity for another four days" :D:D..Man!! These maamis are just priceless. You can count on them to provide 24 hr free entertainment...

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Have u ever had one of those days when you want to go to the top of the LIC building and scream aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
ggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
I have had one of those days and that is exactly what I want to do. I have been doing the blasted documentation for my project from 9 in the morning to 10 in the night and I m sick of swearing at MS-Word, sick of showing my middle finger at the computer screen and sick of formatting, justification, bullets, page numbers, Times New Roman, bold, italics, underline and all that crap. Right now I just want to go curl up in my bed and go to sleep not caring a damn about my project or the documentation!!! :(:(
Phew!! I feel much better now after having vented out my frustration and after denting the keys ‘a’, ‘r’, ‘g’, ’h’ on my keyboard. In fact I think I see smoke coming out of ‘a’ or is it just me fuming??? Whatever!!! I m tooooo distraught to type any further. G’nite folks.