Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Re"Vetti" - R.I.P (Even my jokes are as sad as my Life is :-\)

I hereby announce the death of my alter ego a.k.a Re"vetti". I was re-christened Re"vetti" by a friend of mine (I forget who. I think it was Rahul. I am not sure though and I definitely don’t want to give HIM credit for re-christening me!! :P) around three years back in my second year of engineering when the maximum work I did was eating and sleeping(yeah sometimes when I was awake and not hungry I also visited college once in a while). I was utterly jobless then and hence the name Re"Vetti" came to be. it became hugely popular and almost everyone I knew (even those I didn’t know) then started calling me by this name.(I didn’t mind. as long as I wasn’t called fatty or shorty or something I was happy.)

Anyway coming back to the point I hereby announce the death of my alter ego Re"Vetti" because after she stayed in office till ten for the past two weeks(it promises to get worse by the way) and worked on Saturdays she no longer deserves to be called thus!! I can’t believe (and most of the people around me can’t believe) the fact that I am actually doing some work. in the past 21 years of my existence I have never done anything which can even remotely be classified as work (no wait!! I really really worked for my sisters wedding. I tasted all the food in the sathram and informed my parents if the menu and taste were fine. yup!! now that’s work.***) and now I am working so much that I have no time left to do anything else nowadays. I get up at 7.00 leave for office at 8.30 come back home and 10.30 and hit the bed. (wow!! what an absolutely happening life I must say). one day I had so much of work that I had to actually catch the cab at 11.45 in the night and by the time I came home it was 12.30. Sheesh!! I can’t believe its me. I used to look down upon people who worked beyond 6.00 in the evening and now I have become a person whom I would have scorned a few months back!! :(

I think god has this quota that every human being should do so much of work and since I haven’t done any of it in the past 21 years he is making me work my posterior out now (oh yeah!! I am a thorough professional now. I don’t use terms like A** and all that now. sigh!! how much a job in a software company can change a person!!)

So it’s official. all u people who derived pleasure out of calling me Re'Vetti' kindly desist from using the word vetti in my context. I no longer deserve it. people who sympathize with me after reading this blog and are going "Awwww. poor girl" u guys are the best and I hope god blesses you with as little work (and as high a salary of course) as possible. and for people who are smirking and going "Hah!! she calls 12.30 late?? I stay in office till 2.00- 3.00 and am back in office at 9.00 next day morning" u seriously need help. there is lots and lots to life apart from work and if u r missing out on all that its time u went to psychiatrist and got ur head checked. Sorry if I sound rude but frankly I doubt it if anyone belonging to the latter category would actually visit my blog.

By the way my blog is right now suffering from abject lack of visitors with visitors fewer than Pamela Anderson’s clothes in Baywatch (and that is saying something). Now I am not a person who cares about numbers. I don’t care if I have any visitors or not. I write because I love to write and right now it is the only source of entertainment in my otherwise bland and bleak existence. It was just something that I noticed. U stop updating Ur blog and the visitors to Ur blog also stop.

I am sure at least 99% of u r wondering what the hell is she trying to say. Honestly even I don’t know. So I will just stop rambling now and let u derive ur own conclusions from this post of mine. I will just get back to work. C ya.

P.S: initially I thought I wouldn’t post this blog at all because it was so full of shit but then it took me ten minutes to type all this nonsense up and I am not letting all that effort go waste!! so people who are still reading and have actually read this far I bow down. if I had been in ur place I would have just clicked that small red color cross on the right corner of my window right after the first para!! :P

***- This is what i meant when i said my jokes are as sad as my life is!! My sense of humor seems to have gone for a toss!! :(

Friday, September 07, 2007

Hair (S)care!!

I remember about five or six years back there was this advertisement of some hair oil (the name of the product eludes me) whose tagline was Careless a irundha thalai hairless aaidum (If u are careless you will become hairless) and my sister and I used to go into peals of laughter hearing it and throw knowing glances at my dad who in spite of not being careless was hairless!! ;)

A couple of days back my worst nightmare turned into a reality when I saw half my hair on my pillow half of it on the comb I use and remaining in the sink in the bathroom after I had had a head bath. I was as shocked as mallika sherawat would be if she were asked to wear some clothes, as shocked as bal thackerey would be if he were asked to be the editor of playboy (trivia: who is the editor of playboy??).

Anyway you get the drift as to how shocked I was don’t u?

When u r 21 you are young, enthusiastic with a zeal for life and a hairless head is not something u would like to have. Obviously I was extremely worried about this and asked the various members of my family what must be done.

In the order of seniority I shall describe the reactions of my family members at this sudden mane-loss I was suffering!! I asked my grandmother who I assumed would have one of those grandma things to give me which would make my hair grow overnight.

Now for my grandmother the only solution to all the ailments in this world is one single thing - Curd Rice or thayir sadam. She believes that almost any disease, infection, mental agony etc can be solved/cured just by having thayir sadam!! Her standard reply for everything is “Thayir sadam sapadu. Yellam seriya podium!! (Eat curd rice and all will be well)”
This is the conversation which generally goes on at our place

My Aunt: its the year end and I have so much work in office. I feel so tired when I get back home

Grandma: eat curd rice. It will give u energy

My cousin: Damn!! I have got my physics exam tomorrow and I cant remember any of these stupid formulae

Grandma: eat curd rice. It will sharpen ur memory

My 7 year old cousin: Paati my leg is itching from the morning.

grandma: must be some kind of skin rash. Eat curd rice. it will be ok by tomorrow

no prizes for guessing what her reply was when I asked her the remedy for my incessant hairfall..Curd Rice of course
My grandmothers idea of paradise would be one huge hall filled with people with all kinds of problems, a cow which would continuously give her good milk (to make curd of course) and a huge cooker where she would prepare rice and distribute curd rice to everyone!!
needless to say after eating all that curd rice, grow I did but not in the head region. I grew immensely along the x axis. and in a way my grand mom was right. curd rice did solve my problem. after eating curd rice I put on so much of weight that my hair fall problem seemed trivial!! :

Next was my dad. now for u guys who have seen my dad quit laughing. I know asking my dad tips on how to control hair fall would be as absurd as asking Sonia Gandhi to take Hindi classes or asking Vijay Mallya to hold discourse on simple living. But anyway I did ask him. Now my dad is exactly the kind of dad a lazy, lethargic girl wouldn’t want. He goes jogging at 5 in the morning then comes home and does yoga and even before I get up he is off to work. And he never misses an opportunity to advise me on my “early-rising” habit.

Me: appa my hair fall has increased exponentially and I am really worried. What should I do?

Appa: Exercise!!

Me: eh???

Appa: you just don’t get enough exercise. If u exercise u will have a healthy body which in turn will lead to a healthy mind and ur hair will grow

(No!! being the good daughter that I am I did not ask my dad if he was an exception to that rule!!)
My fathers idea of paradise would be our entire family dressed in reebok shoes, tracks and jogging 5 kms every morning at 5.00 am.

Following my dad’s advice made me lose all the weight that curd rice had genially helped me put on but it did nothing to control my hair fall!!

Next was my mother. I knew what my mother’s solution would be but me being me
I just couldn’t resist asking her

Me: amma I have been having this problem of hair fall for the past two weeks. What should I do to control it?
Amma: what’s ur hemoglobin

Me: (thinks) now my hemoglobin aint George Clooney’s birth date that I will remember it by heart.
Me: errrr..ummm..9

Amma: See!! No wonder. You never eat green vegetables or fruits. How many times I have told u not to eat junk. Eat pomegranates or apples when u r hungry not chips and all that other nonsense u eat!!

Now in vegetables green is the only color I dislike. I cant stand green leafy vegetables, I cant stand bottle gourd, bitter gourd, snake gourd, all the other gourds, palak, methi, mooli, cabbage. Basically I have an allergy towards healthy things.

My mom’s idea of paradise would be a huge table filled with never-ending cabbage, palak, broccoli (this blasted vegetable wasn’t even available in India a few years back but ever since my mom realized that it is rich in vitamin A and C, is anti-cancer, anti- cholesterol, anti-fat and anti-children she always makes it a point to stuff me with it) and my dad, sister and I grazing errr i mean eating while my mother looks on.

Amma: hair fall is mainly because of lack of vitamin A. now if only u would drink the broccoli and palak soup I made u wouldn’t complain so much!! Hmph!! :?

Me: broccoli and palak soup??? Ewwwwwwwwww…

Needless to say my mother wasn’t pleased and she refused to give me any more tips on how to control my mane-loss (and in a way I was relieved)

Next was my sister.

Me: hey preethi!! Listen..i have been having this problem of hair fall man. I am really worried. What do I do?

Preethi: Shehnaz Hussain!!

Me: huh??

Preethi: try this hair cream by shehnaz hussain. Its absolutely great

Now if u have seen shehnaz hussain u will know why I was very sure that I did not want to use any hair cream made by her!! ;) for the benefit of those who haven’t seen her here is a picture.

(Don’t ask me who the dude with her his. This was the first image of hers which was thrown up when I said shahnaz hussain on Google images!! )
Anyway coming to the point Yeah I want my hair to grow but not to such an extent that u cannot distinguish between a bear and me.

For my sister whatever shahnaz hussain says is gospel truth. As for me I wasn’t very convinced and hence refrained from using the hair cream suggested by my sister!!

Ultimately suggestions from my entire family failed to help me and even as I write this post my hair fall is probably in progress and I already have these bald patches around my head and I really don’t appreciate it when people look at my dad then look at me and say with a smirk “Must be hereditary ”

So there ends this sad story of how a girl born into a weird family, suffered from hair loss, had no one to help her ultimately died bald!!:(

Yeah I know u guys are choked and are probably bawling now so for every person who sympathizes with me I shall give a free box of tissues!!