DISCLAIMER: As usual Heavy Sarcasm ahead.
Ok!! I tried my level best to give a neutral title which wouldn’t give away what I felt about the movie but sigh, I guess my hatred for the movie got the better of me and hence the title.
Before reading ahead I would request you guys to have a look at Arun's brilliant spoof on the same movie which represents perfectly what I think of it. "Drab and Banal Jodi". God Arun!! How do u think of such befitting names. Brilliant!! :)
Some movies are made just for critics. If all movies were good, critics would be out of work so u can always trust yashraj movies and Aditya Chopra to dish out something which can make critics rub their hands in glee and close in for the kill
Ok!! maybe my review might be biased because,
1. I can’t STAND SRK and his hysterics (read acting)
2. I can’t stand his exaggerated smile and dimple
3. I can’t stand him crying and my favorite movies are the ones where he dies in the end and I am not kidding when I say I was the only one clapping my hands cheerfully in the theatre when SRK died in Kal Ho Na Ho.
I mean seriously. Doesn’t Aditya Chopra get tired? Of making the same kind of movies again and again and again and again with no other formula except boy+girl+gooey sappy love. All his movies have just these ingredients but different variations of the same nonsense.
For how many years will we keep hearing dialogues like the following
1. 'Har ladki yehi chahti hai ki koi ladka usse deewanon jaisa pyaar kare. aur kuch nahi chahiye ek ladki ko'
Oh yeah!! we don’t care if the guy is a serial rapist or doesn’t earn a penny or owns a garage or doesn’t have a sense of humor or wears crappy clothes and has an even more crappier accent
we just want a guy who can cause a blackout in the city and trouble all its citizens and do "deewaanon jaisa pyaar" (whatever thats supposed to mean). Though I have never been in love frankly I really think a sensible girl would want something a little more than "dewwanon jaisa pyaar"
2. 'Maine to aapko ek boondh bhi pyaar nahi diya aur aap mujh pe baarish pe baarish barsaate gaye'
I thought Hindi movies had stopped having dialogues like "Aap mere maang ka sindoor ho", "Mai apne pranon ki ahuti de doongi". You know the kind I am talking about. I mean how much more clichéd can it get. Girl loves someone else. Cant marry him. Marries boy who dotes on her. Doesn’t realize his love till last scene and then belts out dialogues like those mentioned above!! The same concept was handled so beautifully and subtly in Mouna Ragam. Maybe I am biased or maybe I just think Mani Ratnam is a much much much better director than Aditya Chopra ever will be. Even hum dil de chuke sanam handled it very well while RNBDJ makes a mockery of it.
3. 'Mujhe maaf kar do Raj. Ek pal ke liye tumhare pyaar ne mujhe kamzor kar diya tha par maine unme (the other SRK) Rab dekh liye'
Sighhhhhhhh!! The whole movie is based on the premise that we only oughta be with someone in whom we can see Rab (god) and they keep harping about it in the whole movie. The silliest thing being that our heroine plans to run away with the Raj-The Electrician (Errrr. yeah. to prove his love, Raj our mohabbat man take his Taani partner (ewwwwwwwwww) to the top of a hill and writes "I Love You" by cutting out the appropriate lights in Amritsar city) because her husband is a big bore.
And then the next day she goes to the golden temple and prays "Mujhe Rab dikha do, Rab dikha do" and she opens her eyes and sees Shahrukh walking towards her and realisation dawns upon her that he is her Rab. (All Rab's doing mind you. He doesn’t have time to save this world from terrorism, feed the hungry millions, prevent global warming but oh yeah!! He does have the time to show some non descript girl in Amritsar her true love!! Extremely realistic don’t u think?? If u want to know who you must spend the rest of your life with just go to the nearest temple and say "Show me God, Show me God" and then when you open your eyes, whoever you see is your man/woman. errrr. Author of the blog is NOT to be blamed if someone of the same sex stands in front of you or the temple's pujari stands there. No sir!! C'mon. its a "formula" suggested by Aditya Soap-Opera(Thanks Arun!! :)) in RNBDJ!! Its as realistic as any movie can get! BAH BAH BAH!!)
The movie is ridden with such cliches.
1. The bubbly chirpy girl who sings, laughs, loves her doggie, kisses her dad as he goes 'Babul ko chod ke ja rahi hai tu beta', is never sad, so bubbly that she would make champagne look like nariyal paani and then our boy will fall for her. Sheeeeeeeesh!! Aditya Chopra. We saw Kajol in DDLJ dancing in the rain doing the bubbly girl act, we saw her in K3G doing the fun-jabi girl act, we saw her again in KKHH doing the same thing, we saw Madhuri (or was it Karishma) doing the rain dance in DTPH. Just asking, but "HOW MANY MORE SUCH MOVIES WILL YOU MAKE US WATCH"
2. The dying father "sonpofying" his beti's hand in marriage to a nerdy guy.
3. The girl going "Mai aapse kabhi pyaar nahi kar sakti. Pyaar mein bohot dard hota hai" and trying to play the dutiful wife who cant love her husband
4. The rains. The girl getting caught in the rain and the boy giving her a lift.Puhleeeese!! and as if thats not enough to RUB (pun intended!! :P) it in we have Raj the mohabbat man belting out dialogues like "Baarish mai apni aankhne band kar ke.." some shit. I don’t even remember!!
5. The guy going "Rab naraaz to nahi ho jayenge na, kyunki mai tumhe unse zyada chahta hoon". Sheeeeesh!! Thats the most clichéd dialogue I ever heard. I think the dialogue writer probably made a list of "100 crappiest and most clichéd dialogues ever used in Hindi movies" and generously sprinkled RNBDJ with items on that list.
6. And I am not even talking about the MOST talked about loophole in the movie that how can a girl not recognise her husband after he shaves his mouche off?? Selective Amnesia? Alzheimers? Naaah!! They don’t even attempt to explain that in the movie. According to the movie the best disguise a men can ever get is a mouchless face!! We had superb Hindi films like Golmaal (the old one!!! Obviously!!) where we had guys who were twins and the only difference was that one of them had a mouche and the other didn’t and we have movies like RNBDJ (director of Golmaal wherever you are please forgive me for mentioning RNBDJ in the same breath as your movie) where a mouche changes the entire person!! HUMPH!!
7. one more time I hear someone go “Hum hain rahi pyaar ke, phir milenge, chalte chalte” kasam mamta kulkarni ki, I will shoot myself. Mohabbat Man Raj says this a gazillion times in the movie thinking its very cute, hoping to induce a couple of laughs among the audience but failing miserably and only managing to do what he does best. Irritate us with his “he he he he he”!! :-\
Ok!! Now for the positives
Just one. Vinay Pathak.
I don’t understand why an actor of Vinay Pathak’s caliber agreed to work under the Yash Raj banner and belt out sappy dialogues now and then. But Vinay Pathak is the saving grace of the movie. His timely comedy and his dialogues (ironic isn’t it? That the hero and heroine get all the crappy dialogues and the comedian gets the best ones) are seriously worth a watch. The scene where Vinay Pathak says “Saara macho kharab kar ditta” and SRK innocently asks “yaar, yeh macho bike ka kaunsa bhaag hota hai?” is brilliant. Vinay Pathak does a good job, but that’s what he always does.
The newcomer Anoushka is ok with her dancing and acting (not that her character gave much scope for it but she is ok) but is definitely not in the big league of heroines.
And the Surinder – SRK does a fairly decent job at being a nerd but this good show is spoilt by the overacting done by his alter ego - Raj
On the whole I would say watch the movie if you liked KANK, KHNK, K3G, K2H2,DDLJ,DTPH, Mujhse dosti karoge etc and if you think that everyone is blessed with true love and all u need to do is wait for a full moon day where fairies will make u meet your dream boy/girl, and that god has nothing better to do than script your love story and that while it rains you should not run for shelter but taste the rain drops and think about the one you love.
Ok I don’t want to RUB it in any further. You get the drift dotchya? Final verdict - Don’t watch it. Please!!