Idiots par excellence!

Whenever I go to sangeetha (a famous chain of restaurants here in Chennai) I invariably always order the ghee roast or one of their other dosas. Not because they have the best dosas in the world but because their dosas are closest to what amma makes. So every time I feel homesick I go to sangeetha for the aathu saapadu experience. Despite the flaws the dosa has I like it because I feel close to home.

I would say the same of 3 idiots. It may not be the best movie made, it may not be flawless, the story in parts may have a lot of holes, but it took me back to the four best years of my life. 4 years of engineering. Every scene, almost every character was something I could instantly relate to.

In the first scene when megabyte and kilobyte are introduced it reminded me of Ganguly who was born within a week of our arriving in hostel and for whom we cared for all the four years of college life.

The movie reminded me of the umpteen times when my friends and I would sit outside the hostel at 3 in the morning with a packet of murukku or chips (minus the alcohol of course ;)), stare at the stars and moon, berate the educational system and shout “Die M*th*ra d*v*, die. May your soul burn in hell u miserable piece of rotting flesh”. MD was one of the most loathed professors on campus MAINLY because she knew nothing, was a failure in life and hence liked to pick on all students if they did well.

It reminded me of the various Chaturs that I have come across while doing engineering whose only motto in life was marks and who would do anything to get them and who passed out of engineering having a percentage aggregate inversely proportional to the friends they had.

It reminded me of the days when results would come out and all of us would crowd around the computer to see that magic last column of “P”s which meant all pass. Only a week later would we be bothered to look at the marks. On the day of the results all that mattered was the column of Ps.

It reminded me of the time when inspite of having Ps we would all sit and cry because one of us would have that loathsome dreaded F.

“The only thing which saddens you more than a friend who has failed is a friend who has topped” says Madhavan in the movie. A truer word was never spoken.

Personally I could relate totally and absolutely to Madhavan’s character because Madhavan’s character was so totally me during engineering. Never doing very well, never having the guts to actually stand up and speak out against the system, always the person right in the middle of some mischief, always the “tinka” in some professors eye, never having the courage to actually pursue what I really wanted to, loathing engineering while enjoying every minute of my hostel life.

If you have ever seen people succumb to the pressures of engineering, if you have ever wondered why in hells name does it matter whether you read books written by two useless Bakshi brothers on electronics and electrical engineering which anyway they copied from “foreign authors”, if you don’t remember jack shit of what a capacitor does or what color wires are what in circuits lab or what control systems are, if you have wondered how 2500 lines of doubly linked list code (shamelessly copied from logic and ragesh - the two guys who really deserved to be computer science engineers) would help you get a job, if you have had friends whose parents weren’t very well off but who were excellent human beings, if you have had useless friends whose ideas of achievement were watching 4 movies back to back or sleeping 38 hours at a stretch, if you have cried more for a friend than for yourself, if you were at even one point of time in engineering willing to give your life for your friends, if you valued friendships more than silly marks, if you have hated all or most of your professors in college because they were cretins, if you have spent the 12 precious hours before the exams sitting in the hostel mess ,drinking chai and discussing the Indian educational system and its faults, if you have stared at an exam question paper and lost the blood on your face because not a single question looked familiar to you, if you have had professors saying gems like, “what is this smell coming out of my backside? I don’t like it”…

if you have done any of the above you will most definitely enjoy and love 3 idiots

I am not saying the movie didn’t have its WTF moments

You don’t try to look for your closest bosom friend for 10 long years and finally when u decide to do, its because the nerd of your class wanted to prove a point? - WTF

You wont send an invite to your closest friend for your wedding just because you don’t know where he is? - WTF.

You say Aaal izzz well and a still born baby jumps to life - WTF

You use a vaccum cleaner to pump out a baby out of the mother? - epic WTF (they could have proved that he was an excellent engineer in a million other ways.)

And so on. But at the end of the movie I walked out of the hall feeling all warm and gooey and nice inside, not to mention the salty water in my pupils which resulted out of my thinking about my college days, my friends, the food and a gazillion different things. it’s a movie which is a laugh riot in the first half, so much so that you laugh so much for one scene your laughter drowns the humor in the next dialogue so u control those guffaws so u don’t miss the jokes.

Especially the speech given by Chatur is HILARIOUS. (an amazing actor.).

Enough said. Please watch the movie. :-)

'Paa'rvaillai

Paa is what the title suggests it is. Paarvailla or "not bad" in Tamil. Following are my thoughts

1. R.Balki, BAD idea to have jaya bacchaan read out the credits. I mean yeah its innovative and has never been done in indian cinema but there was something so artificial and false about it, by the time she finished with your name we were all kind of cringing. And I think the least Jaya Bacchan could have done was practise saying Ilayaraja and desist from pronouncing Ilayaraja like an "Amit". I cringe almost every time when northies amitise tamil names

2. The movie might as well have been named Maa or Bum or Auro. The mother son and grandmother so relationhip was shown more than the father son relationship. They dewelled so much on the whole "redevelopment politician" it makes you wish they had spent that time in building the father son relationship

3. What in HELLS name was that whole doordarshan expose thing? That was definitely pukeworthy in the movie. I mean agreed the media go overboard and all that but the way Abhishek Bacchan gets back at them and makes it seem like the smartest thing to do. Ewwww.

4. I think my most favorite character in the movie is this friend of Amitabh Bacchan's called Vishnu. Especially the scene where he is on the phone with Auro and he says stuff like "yaar mai creative aadmi hoon. Ab kya geometry algebra sab padhna" is LOL!! :D. Some of the dialogues are really funny/ Especially the "MP ka 'bum' blast" kinda silly third standard jokes.

5. Vidya Balan looks hot and is such a yummy mummy it makes you wonder why she doesnt appear in more such roles and why she chooses to act all hot when she can be homely and sweet. After Parinneta I liked her best in this.

6. Amitabh Bacchan is just a class apart. Though you are used to the deep baritone which says "Mere paas gaadi hai bungla hai..tumhaare paas kya hai?", and it takes you some time to get used to his voice saying "tumhara potty mere peth mein.." in that squeaky voice I dont think anyone else could have done justice to this role.

7. One of the very good things about the movie was the total lack of melodrama. I mean there are no scenes where there is an "Aaa.aaa.aaa." music in the background when Auro cant play cricket or cant run or has a wheezing attack. He is treated just like a normal 12 year old boy and never does the progeria become the main part of any scene. I wish they had maintained that till the end and not had the "saat phera" wala scene. Another pukeworthy scene

8. I also felt it could have been cut in a lot of places and made into a much shorter movie and they could have concentrated on the father son relationship

Anyway, my first movie in this vacation. Yayyyyyyyy!! Its so good to be back home, eating good food and watching movies and writing senseless blogs. Ahhhh!! Bliss :)

P.S: Jamnagar aint cold. Thank God!

Children of Heaven - a review

I just finished watching this Iranian movie called "Children of Heaven" (Bacheha-Ye aseman).

Thank you so much for gifting me the cd of the movie Sumeetha!! :)

Coming back to Children of Heaven, its one of the most beautiful movies i have seen in a very long time. (This one time i will not tear a movie apart but will give a decent review!! ;) because this movie is really worth a watch!!)

The story revolves around two children Ali and Zahra aged 6 and 8 respectively whose father is a poor tea server in the mosque. One day Ali misplaces Zahra's shoes while going to get them darned and knowing their father's financial position they hide the fact that Zahra doesnt have a pair of shoes from their parents and secretly decide to manage with a single pair. Since Zahra goes to school in the morning and Ali in the afternoon they manage with a single pair of shoes which results in Ali often going late to school and getting into scrapes with the headmaster.Ali gets a chance to take part in the sprint contest conducted by their school and prize offered for the person at the third place is a pair of sneakers. Ali decides to participate, come third and get the sneakers for Zahra . He accidentally comes first and is given a different prize and not the pair of sneakers.

So from where do i start praising the movie? Let me start with the characters of Ali and Zahra. I have never seen such natural actors. At some point in the movie you forget that you are watching a movie and not the real life replay of 2 children. The child artistes emote so beautifully. Be it joy or sorrow or pain or fear or anger they are so natural, Darsheel Zafry of TZP would pale in comparison.

There is especially this scene when Zahra wears the sneakers (basically boys shoes) for the first time to school. She is scared that in PE class the teacher will catch her and tries to hide her shoes behind her desk. And then the teacher announces that in PE class it is best for the girls to wear sneakers because they will help you run and jump much better and appreciates the girls wearing sneakers. The change in Zahra's expressions from apprehension to fear to relief to pride is so beautiful you want to hug the child and give her a new pair of shoes.

Some of the other scenes which stand out in my mind are when Ali comes first in class and is awarded a gold ball pen by his teacher. Though he himself wants to keep the pen he feels guilty and responsible for losing Zahra's shoes and gives her the pen. Zahra is angry with Ali because not only has he lost her shoes but also scolds her for coming late from school every afternoon because of which he is forced to go late. Zahra threatens to tell their parents. So when Ali gives her the pen her pensive face breaks into a shy smile and she tells him that she did not tell their parents. Ali grins and says "i knew you wouldnt"

When Zahra sees her lost shoes on the feet of a classmate she is shocked but when she realises that the girl has a blind father Ali and Zahra do nothing about it and continue to suffer the agony of sharing the pair of shoes.

The bond between the brother and the sister is shown extremely beautifully and the fact that the children are enormously adorable helps a great deal. When Ali's father has some money Ali tells him to buy a pair of shoes for Zahra. The selflessness, innocence and the pure heart of the children touches your heart and strikes a chord somewhere.

The ending is beautiful and Ali's expressions when he realises that he has accidentally won first place and denied Zahra a pair of shoes is priceless.

I cant say enough about the wonderful acting of the two children and I think you should see it to believe it. Its a movie which is worth watching and Indian directors would do well to take a leaf out of movies like this. No loud dialogues, no unnecessary characters and absolutely no melodrama. I think the beauty of the movie lies in the way the director has dealt with emotions so subtly and the understated acting of the children!!

Do watch it if you get an opportunity!!

P.S: Personally i think this post was too sensible for my taste!! :P. Blame Aravind and Sumeetha- They are the ones who got me hooked on to foreign language movies. Errr. I dont know if hooked is the right word. I have seen 3 foreign language movies and i have liked all three!! :)

Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi - a Reviewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!

DISCLAIMER: As usual Heavy Sarcasm ahead.

Ok!! I tried my level best to give a neutral title which wouldn’t give away what I felt about the movie but sigh, I guess my hatred for the movie got the better of me and hence the title.
Before reading ahead I would request you guys to have a look at Arun's brilliant spoof on the same movie which represents perfectly what I think of it. "Drab and Banal Jodi". God Arun!! How do u think of such befitting names. Brilliant!! :)

Some movies are made just for critics. If all movies were good, critics would be out of work so u can always trust yashraj movies and Aditya Chopra to dish out something which can make critics rub their hands in glee and close in for the kill

Ok!! maybe my review might be biased because,
1. I can’t STAND SRK and his hysterics (read acting)
2. I can’t stand his exaggerated smile and dimple
3. I can’t stand him crying and my favorite movies are the ones where he dies in the end and I am not kidding when I say I was the only one clapping my hands cheerfully in the theatre when SRK died in Kal Ho Na Ho.

I mean seriously. Doesn’t Aditya Chopra get tired? Of making the same kind of movies again and again and again and again with no other formula except boy+girl+gooey sappy love. All his movies have just these ingredients but different variations of the same nonsense.

For how many years will we keep hearing dialogues like the following

1. 'Har ladki yehi chahti hai ki koi ladka usse deewanon jaisa pyaar kare. aur kuch nahi chahiye ek ladki ko'

Oh yeah!! we don’t care if the guy is a serial rapist or doesn’t earn a penny or owns a garage or doesn’t have a sense of humor or wears crappy clothes and has an even more crappier accent
we just want a guy who can cause a blackout in the city and trouble all its citizens and do "deewaanon jaisa pyaar" (whatever thats supposed to mean). Though I have never been in love frankly I really think a sensible girl would want something a little more than "dewwanon jaisa pyaar"

2. 'Maine to aapko ek boondh bhi pyaar nahi diya aur aap mujh pe baarish pe baarish barsaate gaye'
Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
I thought Hindi movies had stopped having dialogues like "Aap mere maang ka sindoor ho", "Mai apne pranon ki ahuti de doongi". You know the kind I am talking about. I mean how much more clichéd can it get. Girl loves someone else. Cant marry him. Marries boy who dotes on her. Doesn’t realize his love till last scene and then belts out dialogues like those mentioned above!! The same concept was handled so beautifully and subtly in Mouna Ragam. Maybe I am biased or maybe I just think Mani Ratnam is a much much much better director than Aditya Chopra ever will be. Even hum dil de chuke sanam handled it very well while RNBDJ makes a mockery of it.

3. 'Mujhe maaf kar do Raj. Ek pal ke liye tumhare pyaar ne mujhe kamzor kar diya tha par maine unme (the other SRK) Rab dekh liye'

Sighhhhhhhh!! The whole movie is based on the premise that we only oughta be with someone in whom we can see Rab (god) and they keep harping about it in the whole movie. The silliest thing being that our heroine plans to run away with the Raj-The Electrician (Errrr. yeah. to prove his love, Raj our mohabbat man take his Taani partner (ewwwwwwwwww) to the top of a hill and writes "I Love You" by cutting out the appropriate lights in Amritsar city) because her husband is a big bore.

And then the next day she goes to the golden temple and prays "Mujhe Rab dikha do, Rab dikha do" and she opens her eyes and sees Shahrukh walking towards her and realisation dawns upon her that he is her Rab. (All Rab's doing mind you. He doesn’t have time to save this world from terrorism, feed the hungry millions, prevent global warming but oh yeah!! He does have the time to show some non descript girl in Amritsar her true love!! Extremely realistic don’t u think?? If u want to know who you must spend the rest of your life with just go to the nearest temple and say "Show me God, Show me God" and then when you open your eyes, whoever you see is your man/woman. errrr. Author of the blog is NOT to be blamed if someone of the same sex stands in front of you or the temple's pujari stands there. No sir!! C'mon. its a "formula" suggested by Aditya Soap-Opera(Thanks Arun!! :)) in RNBDJ!! Its as realistic as any movie can get! BAH BAH BAH!!)

The movie is ridden with such cliches.

1. The bubbly chirpy girl who sings, laughs, loves her doggie, kisses her dad as he goes 'Babul ko chod ke ja rahi hai tu beta', is never sad, so bubbly that she would make champagne look like nariyal paani and then our boy will fall for her. Sheeeeeeeesh!! Aditya Chopra. We saw Kajol in DDLJ dancing in the rain doing the bubbly girl act, we saw her in K3G doing the fun-jabi girl act, we saw her again in KKHH doing the same thing, we saw Madhuri (or was it Karishma) doing the rain dance in DTPH. Just asking, but "HOW MANY MORE SUCH MOVIES WILL YOU MAKE US WATCH"

2. The dying father "sonpofying" his beti's hand in marriage to a nerdy guy.

3. The girl going "Mai aapse kabhi pyaar nahi kar sakti. Pyaar mein bohot dard hota hai" and trying to play the dutiful wife who cant love her husband

4. The rains. The girl getting caught in the rain and the boy giving her a lift.Puhleeeese!! and as if thats not enough to RUB (pun intended!! :P) it in we have Raj the mohabbat man belting out dialogues like "Baarish mai apni aankhne band kar ke.." some shit. I don’t even remember!!

5. The guy going "Rab naraaz to nahi ho jayenge na, kyunki mai tumhe unse zyada chahta hoon". Sheeeeesh!! Thats the most clichéd dialogue I ever heard. I think the dialogue writer probably made a list of "100 crappiest and most clichéd dialogues ever used in Hindi movies" and generously sprinkled RNBDJ with items on that list.

6. And I am not even talking about the MOST talked about loophole in the movie that how can a girl not recognise her husband after he shaves his mouche off?? Selective Amnesia? Alzheimers? Naaah!! They don’t even attempt to explain that in the movie. According to the movie the best disguise a men can ever get is a mouchless face!! We had superb Hindi films like Golmaal (the old one!!! Obviously!!) where we had guys who were twins and the only difference was that one of them had a mouche and the other didn’t and we have movies like RNBDJ (director of Golmaal wherever you are please forgive me for mentioning RNBDJ in the same breath as your movie) where a mouche changes the entire person!! HUMPH!!

7. one more time I hear someone go “Hum hain rahi pyaar ke, phir milenge, chalte chalte” kasam mamta kulkarni ki, I will shoot myself. Mohabbat Man Raj says this a gazillion times in the movie thinking its very cute, hoping to induce a couple of laughs among the audience but failing miserably and only managing to do what he does best. Irritate us with his “he he he he he”!! :-\

Ok!! Now for the positives

Just one. Vinay Pathak.
I don’t understand why an actor of Vinay Pathak’s caliber agreed to work under the Yash Raj banner and belt out sappy dialogues now and then. But Vinay Pathak is the saving grace of the movie. His timely comedy and his dialogues (ironic isn’t it? That the hero and heroine get all the crappy dialogues and the comedian gets the best ones) are seriously worth a watch. The scene where Vinay Pathak says “Saara macho kharab kar ditta” and SRK innocently asks “yaar, yeh macho bike ka kaunsa bhaag hota hai?” is brilliant. Vinay Pathak does a good job, but that’s what he always does.

The newcomer Anoushka is ok with her dancing and acting (not that her character gave much scope for it but she is ok) but is definitely not in the big league of heroines.

And the Surinder – SRK does a fairly decent job at being a nerd but this good show is spoilt by the overacting done by his alter ego - Raj

On the whole I would say watch the movie if you liked KANK, KHNK, K3G, K2H2,DDLJ,DTPH, Mujhse dosti karoge etc and if you think that everyone is blessed with true love and all u need to do is wait for a full moon day where fairies will make u meet your dream boy/girl, and that god has nothing better to do than script your love story and that while it rains you should not run for shelter but taste the rain drops and think about the one you love.

Ok I don’t want to RUB it in any further. You get the drift dotchya? Final verdict - Don’t watch it. Please!!

Vaaranam Aayiram should be renamed to "Gautham Menon a 'Pallarnu Arayanum' "!! :-\

DISCLAIMER:People who liked Vaaranam Aayiram please don’t read ahead. Sarcasm is something which comes naturally to me and I might have gone a little overboard with my sarcastic comments in the post below.

Gautam Menon. I have nothing against you wanting to tell your story. Everyone has a story to tell. I have nothing against you loving your dad so much that you want to make a movie out of it. I have nothing against the fact that all your life you called your father Daddy(uvvaacck!!), I have nothing against you wanting to cast Surya in your movie. But I have everything against you wanting to subject us to such colossal bull shit.

Surya!! whatever were u thinking? did Gautam Menon show u three scripts of three completely different movies and ask you to pick one? and did u say "No, I want a little bit of script 1, a little bit of script 2, some part of script 3 and a lot of skin show - by Me and not the actress!! heh heh!! Ah!! Now that would be a great movie" and did Gautam Menon nod his head docilely?

Simran, did you tell Gautham Menon, "listen I have looked gorgeous in all the movies I have acted so far so please give me a disgusting retro look for my young days with a bouffant hair style, pig tails and tight clothes. And oh no!! the women around me who are also supposed to have the 70s look can look modern and have fairly decent hair styles. Just spoil my look"
It was painful to see Simran, one of the prettiest and most versatile actresses given such a look. I think Gautham Menon just went overboard with the retro thing.

The sad part about the movie is that despite an absolutely brilliant performance from Surya and fairly decent performances from everyone else the movie sucks big time. Surya has done a mind blowing job, Simran takes the cake with her sensitive mother role, Divya Spandana is effervescent enough and Sameera Reddy does the sassy smart chick role well. but the end product is something which shocks you with its absurdity, It’s like this. You start making food. You see that the paruppu looks good, tomatoes look nice and red,chillies are nice and fresh, you have all the correct spices to make a perfectly good sambhar but what u finally get after three hours of playing around with all the good ingredients is an inedible bowl of something which you would like to call sambhar and which after tasting a euphemistic and polite person would go "Interesting. but one spoon is enough. Thank you" while a person like me would go "Bleaaaaaaaaaah!!" and spit it out.

The movie is a complete drag with no co-relation whatsoever between the various parts. It’s like this (Pardon all the food analogies but the only good part about the movie was all the good food which I ate). Someone gives u a nice hot masala dosai to eat with piping hot sambhar. you start eating it and u are just half way through it when someone suddenly snatches the plate and gives you cold ice cream. you are like "what the hell" but since you are a tolerant person you start eating the ice cream. you are half done with it when someone snatches that away too and gives u a cup of piping hot coffee instead. By this time you are completely pissed.
That in short is how the movie is like. three completely un related things thrust upon you with no common thread except Surya.
I dunno which aspect of the movie to talk about first. So I will start with the things which irritated me the most and move on to the things which were the most absurd

1. I am yet to see a middle class Tamil family in the 80s speak English at home and the father calling the mother darling. The overt usage of English was very irritating. Even when the father Surya was lying on his death bed, a poignant moment and a the kind of moment where every Indian would exult only in his/her mother tongue Simran says "Oh my god!! what happened?" and the daughter goes "you will be fine daddy, you will be fine". got on my nerves.

2. Ok maybe this is a pet peeve of mine but I can’t stand people calling their parents as "Mummy, Daddy". ewwwwwww!! I mean call them Amma and Appa (or whetever it is that u call them in ur mother tongue) and see what a difference it would make. In the entire movie Surya must have called his father Daddy a gazillion times and to me, each time it felt like someone was running a nail across a black board (shudders!!). So much so that at the end of the movie when the father Surya dies and son Surya goes "Daddy Daddy" someone in audience could no longer control his anger and said "Dei, Daddy Daddy nu sollu, Daddy body aaitar da. ippoyavdhu Appa sollu" :D. I couldn’t agree less

3. Yes Gautham Menon. We are all fools. And so are the people sitting at the US consulate office stamping the Visa. We completely believe that if u tell the Visa people "I don’t want to study, I don’t want to make money, I don’t care about your country, my 'girl' is there. thats why I want a visa" they will smile benevolently and give you the Visa!! Duh-huh!!

4. ok. I have heard of smart intelligent people doing engineering and scoring obscenely high marks (I was not one of them) but I am yet to hear someone say "I am expecting 99% marks. I am flat rank holder, city rank holder, state rank holder and AIR holder". Jeeeez!! Gautham Menon, couldn’t u have been a teeny weeny bit realistic?

5. Talking about realism, I have been employed for the past 2 years earning what people would call a modest salary, quite enough to lead a fairly luxurious existence but forget a house, I don’t have enough money to own even a square feet of land and this unemployed guy who has arrears in his final year of engineering builds a house for his dad, clears all his debts and even gets enough money to fly to the US and woo the girl he loves. BAH!!

6. The MOST responsible and nicest parents (which is what the Krishnans are shown as) will not know that their son does drugs till he reaches the point of no return and as soon as they "think" he has recovered (oh they don’t even send him to a rehab. they just shut him in a room and let him scream. Really responsible I must say) they will send him on a holiday to some unknown place to "discover" himself. Really Gautham Menon. I think this is where I had tears in my eyes and wondered how much more you could insult our intelligence.

7.I think I am just going quit the IT industry and become a vagabond and work undercover as a pimp and sell women. Trust me it’s the easiest way to catch crooks. Pose as a pimp and every criminal in any place will at once believe the fact that u r a criminal and lead you to THE guy who does child trafficking and sells women just like that. Very easy. Really

8. The movie is also an insult to the intelligence and infrastructure possessed by all criminals. Tell me one terrorist organization or criminal gang which fights with swords and daggers?? :-. I am glad they didn’t show the criminals carrying a bag of stones and using that to pelt the good guys!! :-\

9. Most women (MOST) would go into hysterics and cry if they heard their husband was going to die. When the doctor tells Simran that Surya would die of cancer she tell him "Uh oh!! I thought he would die of heart attack. Didn’t expect cancer". LOL!! the dialogue writer sure had a great sense of humor!! :D

10. Most women (MOST) would either sit next to their husband's body or cry their eyes out after he is dead. Simran on the other hand sits inside a room sending an SMS to someone while everyone is in the hall crying for her dead husband. A scene which was supposed to be a poignant one became a laugh riot. :D

Finally I can’t fathom why the movie was called thousand elephants. I can think of the following reasons
a. Surya said "Daddy" 1000 times?
b. You would prefer to be crushed to death by 1000 elephants than watch this movie?
c. The movie had a net total of 1000 Tamil words?
d. I can give you 1000 reasons why you shouldn’t watch this movie??

Being sarcastic you say?? All I can say is BAH!!!

Do yourself a favor, DONT watch the movie. I went with high expectations and came back thoroughly disappointed. And if you have already watched it Sigh!!! what can I say!! God Bless You!! :P