I close my ears to shut out the cries but whatever i do,however hard i press my ears i m not able to shut out the sounds and cries which are embedded into my brain and into my soul..i m not the same...i will never be the same again...two deaths in less than a month and both in our college is a little hard for anyone to digest and after visiting the houses of the deceased i have come to the conclusion that i m no longer gonna pity the person who died..it is the people close to him/her that he/she leaves behind who are to be pitied..the sounds of the mothers wails keep echoing in my ears..i find myself unable to sleep,unable to concentrate on anything..everything i do seems trivial to me..life is so fickle..here today gone tomorrow..no guarantee no nothing..and both these cases of death in my college have been gruesome...in the first case the waves washed away a 20 yr old boy at mahabalipuram and in the second case a 19 yr old girl was runover by a motorcycle...who would have thought that both of them would die..what dreams and hopes the parents would have had for their children...but no..god had totally other plans..it is at times like this that even I(a strong theist) start doubting the existence of god..if he exists and is looking down upon these atrocities and doing nothing then why do we have an entity called god who is supposed to be looking after all of us..why does he allow the osama's and the saddam's of the world to live happily while takling the lives of innocent and ordinary people...when i was young my grandmother used to tell me that this is the "kalyugam" where the evil will triumph over the good and finally there will be only evil ppl left over in this world and all the good ones will have to go..well that explantion used to pretty much satisfy me when i was young but now that i m 21 and can think on my own i begin to have my own doubts...is god trying to push us to such a level where we totally lose belief in him and then make his grand appearance?? i seriously doubt it...death of such young people is inhuman..infact inhuman is an understatement...i feel extremely sad when i think of what these young people would have become if god had not cruelly terminated their lives..
it is at times like this that a dialogue in my favourite movie ANAND makes a lot of sense to me..there is a particular scene in which Rajesh khanna says,
"ham sab to rang manch ki katputliyan hai jinki dhor bhagwan ke haath mein hai..kab kaun kiski dhor kat jaye koi nahi bata sakta"
roughly translated as,
"we are all puppets in the hands of god..when and where whose thread will be cut off is not known by anybody"