A couple of days back my worst nightmare turned into a reality when I saw half my hair on my pillow half of it on the comb I use and remaining in the sink in the bathroom after I had had a head bath. I was as shocked as mallika sherawat would be if she were asked to wear some clothes, as shocked as bal thackerey would be if he were asked to be the editor of playboy (trivia: who is the editor of playboy??).
Anyway you get the drift as to how shocked I was don’t u?
When u r 21 you are young, enthusiastic with a zeal for life and a hairless head is not something u would like to have. Obviously I was extremely worried about this and asked the various members of my family what must be done.
In the order of seniority I shall describe the reactions of my family members at this sudden mane-loss I was suffering!! I asked my grandmother who I assumed would have one of those grandma things to give me which would make my hair grow overnight.
Now for my grandmother the only solution to all the ailments in this world is one single thing - Curd Rice or thayir sadam. She believes that almost any disease, infection, mental agony etc can be solved/cured just by having thayir sadam!! Her standard reply for everything is “Thayir sadam sapadu. Yellam seriya podium!! (Eat curd rice and all will be well)”
This is the conversation which generally goes on at our place
My Aunt: its the year end and I have so much work in office. I feel so tired when I get back home
Grandma: eat curd rice. It will give u energy
My cousin: Damn!! I have got my physics exam tomorrow and I cant remember any of these stupid formulae
Grandma: eat curd rice. It will sharpen ur memory
My 7 year old cousin: Paati my leg is itching from the morning.
grandma: must be some kind of skin rash. Eat curd rice. it will be ok by tomorrow
no prizes for guessing what her reply was when I asked her the remedy for my incessant hairfall..Curd Rice of course
My grandmothers idea of paradise would be one huge hall filled with people with all kinds of problems, a cow which would continuously give her good milk (to make curd of course) and a huge cooker where she would prepare rice and distribute curd rice to everyone!!
needless to say after eating all that curd rice, grow I did but not in the head region. I grew immensely along the x axis. and in a way my grand mom was right. curd rice did solve my problem. after eating curd rice I put on so much of weight that my hair fall problem seemed trivial!! :
Next was my dad. now for u guys who have seen my dad quit laughing. I know asking my dad tips on how to control hair fall would be as absurd as asking Sonia Gandhi to take Hindi classes or asking Vijay Mallya to hold discourse on simple living. But anyway I did ask him. Now my dad is exactly the kind of dad a lazy, lethargic girl wouldn’t want. He goes jogging at 5 in the morning then comes home and does yoga and even before I get up he is off to work. And he never misses an opportunity to advise me on my “early-rising” habit.
Me: appa my hair fall has increased exponentially and I am really worried. What should I do?
Appa: you just don’t get enough exercise. If u exercise u will have a healthy body which in turn will lead to a healthy mind and ur hair will grow
(No!! being the good daughter that I am I did not ask my dad if he was an exception to that rule!!)
My fathers idea of paradise would be our entire family dressed in reebok shoes, tracks and jogging 5 kms every morning at 5.00 am.
Following my dad’s advice made me lose all the weight that curd rice had genially helped me put on but it did nothing to control my hair fall!!
Next was my mother. I knew what my mother’s solution would be but me being me
I just couldn’t resist asking her
Me: amma I have been having this problem of hair fall for the past two weeks. What should I do to control it?
Amma: what’s ur hemoglobin
Me: (thinks) now my hemoglobin aint George Clooney’s birth date that I will remember it by heart.
Amma: See!! No wonder. You never eat green vegetables or fruits. How many times I have told u not to eat junk. Eat pomegranates or apples when u r hungry not chips and all that other nonsense u eat!!
Now in vegetables green is the only color I dislike. I cant stand green leafy vegetables, I cant stand bottle gourd, bitter gourd, snake gourd, all the other gourds, palak, methi, mooli, cabbage. Basically I have an allergy towards healthy things.
My mom’s idea of paradise would be a huge table filled with never-ending cabbage, palak, broccoli (this blasted vegetable wasn’t even available in India a few years back but ever since my mom realized that it is rich in vitamin A and C, is anti-cancer, anti- cholesterol, anti-fat and anti-children she always makes it a point to stuff me with it) and my dad, sister and I grazing errr i mean eating while my mother looks on.
Amma: hair fall is mainly because of lack of vitamin A. now if only u would drink the broccoli and palak soup I made u wouldn’t complain so much!! Hmph!! :?
Me: broccoli and palak soup??? Ewwwwwwwwww…
Needless to say my mother wasn’t pleased and she refused to give me any more tips on how to control my mane-loss (and in a way I was relieved)
Next was my sister.
Me: hey preethi!! Listen..i have been having this problem of hair fall man. I am really worried. What do I do?
Preethi: Shehnaz Hussain!!
Preethi: try this hair cream by shehnaz hussain. Its absolutely great
Now if u have seen shehnaz hussain u will know why I was very sure that I did not want to use any hair cream made by her!! ;) for the benefit of those who haven’t seen her here is a picture.
(Don’t ask me who the dude with her his. This was the first image of hers which was thrown up when I said shahnaz hussain on Google images!! )
Anyway coming to the point Yeah I want my hair to grow but not to such an extent that u cannot distinguish between a bear and me.
For my sister whatever shahnaz hussain says is gospel truth. As for me I wasn’t very convinced and hence refrained from using the hair cream suggested by my sister!!
Ultimately suggestions from my entire family failed to help me and even as I write this post my hair fall is probably in progress and I already have these bald patches around my head and I really don’t appreciate it when people look at my dad then look at me and say with a smirk “Must be hereditary ”
So there ends this sad story of how a girl born into a weird family, suffered from hair loss, had no one to help her ultimately died bald!!:(
Yeah I know u guys are choked and are probably bawling now so for every person who sympathizes with me I shall give a free box of tissues!!