Monday, January 11, 2010

Hmmm..Aaaarrghhh!!

Another year goes by, a decade just went by, its been four years now since this blog was started and I am 24. 24 is not a very nice age to be. For one you are terribly confused (its a different thing that i am always terribly confused but 24 is particularly confusing). You have no idea about the future. You are not sure you want what you are getting and you are not sure about getting what you want. You are apprehensive as hell because all of a sudden you are being pushed into adulthood. You have conversations with friends which you would never have dreamt of having three years back. Your priorities are being forced to change and suddenly you realize that the whooshing sound you hear is time just flying past you. You attend your college's alumni meet and you realise you are old and there are scores of juniors who you dont recognize, calling you akka and you want to sit and cry and come running back to college where your maximum worry was how to handle project reviews.

There were a certain set of ideals you had always lived by. Ideals which you built by reading loads and loads of books and watching movies. Suddenly you wish you could just throw all those books out of the window and burn them. You wish you were illiterate or had spent all these years reading mills and boon and danielle steele. At least that would have prepared you for certain things which Ayn Rand does NOT. You read Ayn Rand and you think you can conquer the world and suddenly all that comes crashing around you when you realise how perfectly ordinary you are and what a boringly normal course your life is taking. You reach that point in life where reality strikes you and you realise that the ideal world exists only in books and movies. Its almost like the child who realizes that santa clause doesnt exist or that spiderman is all animation and there is not really a man who can spin webs by just folding his fingers and pointing it at you.

You read books and fantasize a world where everything is exactly the way you want to be. You are Dominique Francon a minute and Howard Roark the other. You are Galahad and Jeeves. Hercule Poirot and Jane Marple. Tintin and Asterix. Julian and Fatty. You are the strong character helping everyone and the one who everyone turns to. None of your favorite characters had ordinary lives and you grow up thinking its a sin to have an ordinary life. You build a world around those characters. And that world comes crashing down and you realise that its all make believe and what a weak and loser-ish person you really are in real life. Forget making the world happy, you cant even make the ones close to you happy. You are torn by your ideals (stupid as they are) and the real world (real, loving and caring as it is). A part of you knows that the latter is permanent and safe and which is what will make you happy if not now, then 10 years down the line and yet another part of you wants to break free. "Who wants safe? Safe is for wimps. Go out there are fly. So what if you will regret it 10 years later. At least you would have tried" that part says and your life now is a constant struggle between those two parts of your self. All your attempts to merge them fail and its almost like suffering from multiple personality disorder.

You suddenly wish time would fly faster, either forward or backward, as long as you dont have to face this stage in your life where simple decisions seem herculean. You dont want to be 24. 17 was nice. 31 will definitely be nice. But 24 is sad. And worse still is when you look around and you see people handling 24 gracefully and you wonder "How the hell do they do it man?". You see people who are 24 getting married and having children and you want to run and hide under a rock out of shame. You cant blame god because you are agnostic. You cant blame your parents and siblings because they are sane and sensible people, mature and composed when they were 24. You cant blame your friends because most of them are married or at least they know want they want when they turn 25. You cant blame your stars because you are skeptical about astrology. Its just you.

Oh my God. Am i suffering from quarter life crisis an year before i become a quarter century old? Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrghh!!!

28 comments:

born_in_the_woods said...

Its a beautiful post and I enjoyed reading it..

Remind me to send this link to my son, when he is 24 (in around 23 yrs) Because I am pretty sure he would be confused like me as well.

Well, After all these years of confusion, I am happy I took at least one decision which proved right. My life partner. And everything else like job/career friends and blah just fell into place.

For now, flow with the flow, and try enjoying it too :D

joel said...

All these days I was thinking I was the only one so confused. Glad I am not alone and also glad it's a '24 Syndrome'... You literally wrote the words in mind!

Arun said...

whoa whoa, save some for june :p

relax kid,yuve already quit playin it safe last year !

yuve got loadsa time...take heart that there are some 27 year olds still being tortured by their quarter life crises ;)

Jass said...

No fear.
All you need is a kick up your rear, Or maybe just a bottle of beer? :P

Revs said...

@born in the woods
Thanks so much for visiting!! :)
Go with the flow you say? If only it were that easy :)
Oh for a FF button in life!! :)

@joel
Yayyy. I am not the only person suffering from this hopefully non-terminal disease!! welcummm!! :D

@Arun
Heh!! :). Save some for June you say? Dude. I want to be over and done with this thing by June - hopefully!! :)

@Jass
What a sweet comment, arent u a dear?

Always in support of a friend, wiping her tear

A brain you are missing it seems to appear

Must be a the effect of a childhood trauma very severe

Please go hang yourself, this is a request very sincere!! :P

Uuuuuuuuuuu jassi!! :)

Thanks for visiting!! :)

Seetharaman Trichur Narayanan Iyer said...

Now what is this?
Egad! Someone is getting all philosophical and sounding so very thoughtful u d think you were reading a piece written by a fellow high on LSD :-P
Trust me gal! when I imagine you trying to be philosophical - it is somehwta like Po Panda (kung fu panda) trying to grow 6 pack abs.
BTW ye 24?? 24?? hoooooo!! Oldie oldie!! And (I love this now) Auntieeeeeeeeeeeeeee :-P

Sriram said...

'confused' iyer indeed. sometimes one does get into this sort of a phase where nothing makes sense and every path seems equally alluring (or disgusting :P) So, go out have fun. you'll realise what you wanna do, or won't. who the heck cares. just do what you like! :)

Kausikram Krishnasayee said...

it started at 23 for me :( so back off! i am the young confused kid. and yeah the people from coll call me anna :( , some even did uncle :((

Rajlakshmi said...

quarter life crisis!!! lolzzz
gal you really seem confused :)

Nams said...

GOSH! u wont believe it... i was discussing the EXACT same thing d other day with some friends... only that we called it middle life crisis visiting a bit too early !!!!

Revs said...

@gooofy
Goofy
FYI i am exactly 24 days younger than you are!! :P So uncle to you to. I just used 24 coz it was a nice round figure!!
and yeah. lotsa philosophical shit up there. And there will be a time when u will face all this (maybe not write it) and then I shall have the last laugh Cap'n Goof :P
Thanks for visiting Uncleee!!
eeeeeeeee!!
and LSD and all? goofy!! are u being a good boy in IIM?? huh huh?? are you?? :P

@brig
Heh!! Thanks. Thats what I am hoping to do!! :)

@Budha
Sighhh!! welcome to the club uncle!! :|

@Raji
Thanks for visiting!! :)

@Nams
There has to be a reason why we have been closest friends for 12 years now!! :)
Hugs!! :)

Milinta said...

'24 and aging gracefully'.. thats ME right?? :P :P

Vinu said...

This is beautifully written, Revs Aunty :)...some how I get a deep sense of déjà vu though. I think I have read this before :?

Take a chill pill and relax. Come to think of it, people have all kinds of syndromes and every one thinks they were specifically chosen by the devil himself to suffer.

So...here's to more 3/8th quarter, quarter-life, mid-life;half-life, 3 quarter life crisis. Life is beautiful!

Aliyah said...

Somehow, this post made me feel good :). I've started showing the symptoms of the crisis too :P

Revs said...

@Milinta
LOL!! Suicide!! Thats what this is!! :D :D.
You have confessed to ageing!!?? :D
So be it Auntieee. Age as gracefully as you can. And stop hiding those white hairs!! :P

@Vinu
Thanks!! ;)
Life is beautiful yeah. Just look at the larger picture! :P

@Aliyah
Thanks so much for visiting and yeah welcome to the club!! :)

sagarika said...

hey that was a nice post but it's scary(I am going to reach 24 in 2 yrs time). So guess I will be in the same situation...but well I already see few of the symptoms in me.. :)

D_Observer said...

hey - nice post
really feel like im in the same boat here :)

preeti said...

this is the third dunno-wat-to-do or who-i-am post since morning.yeah am very well in office with my desk piled up wwith work but am reading blogs as I chose not to work today (hope this blue lasts only today) and revs I mailed you.. no response you dumbo and your phone is invariably switched off. I just dropped in to say, I hate you :):) and am mad at you :/

martin said...

Hey, confusion is good... i am in a similar boat, born in a minus thirty country, lived three years in US with a circus and a third of my life in India out of which three were in Gujurat, now down south, i refuge in my work and music. ... It doesn't matter as long as your mind follows you in your confusion... all the best...

wanderingbrook said...

Uh oh. This is so not good news :P.

Ashwin said...

Lemme add a dollop of gloom into your fantasy that by 31 you'd see sanity come back to life and choices would be clear.

At 29, i have the same crisis you have and had that at 28,27,26,25 and 24. I would have it till I have my own company, make money and conquer the world and then drive an auto rickshaw for fun, while my bank balance never dips below a 25 lakh INR mark.

So its not the age which is causing the crisis..its what you want to do versus what you see you'd be doing!

Narayani Srinivasan said...

Gal, Whatever u have written fits into everyone's life at some point of time or the other..... Trust me, I felt the same crisis an year ago when I was busy working as the coder and tester in IT. But you see, every phase of life has its own importance. We do adore the yester years and the college life and all of us dream of going back, but may be when we go back in time, we may not enjoy the gone phase.

Keep writing gal!!
Cheers!!!

pavithra said...

finally i am landing on your blog almost after 2 years i left cognizant.....i used to an ardent fan of yours in cognizant........ (still i am :)) .............
keep blogging :)

Anu said...

that was torrential :)

Shant said...

That was beautiful. I never had any confusion at 24. Now, being in the last leg of the twenties, I am sometimes confused. I usually think of me as a guy who just passed out of college and joined job. But when parents start speaking of marriage, or when I hear friends getting married (more worse, hearing they have become fathers), reality strikes and leaves me confused. :(

The Fool said...

I came across your blog from your interview at top 21 bloggers interview. This is the first post I stumbled upon. Very nice and really relevant reflection.At 31, I somehow still don't seem to have resolved my quarter life crisis. I still want to live on in my (Fool's) Paradise.

Alphonsa Berchmans said...

//Its just you//
It's me too! :( :)
Loved this post Revs...

Madhan said...

Lovely Post Revs..

I got the same kinda feeling just a year back! :)