Monday, December 04, 2006

I wrote a paper called web technology today...this is becoming a routine u know. I write an exam and then I come in the afternoon and blog about my miserable performance. The worst part is that I studied so damned hard for this stupid paper..All in vain. I have been averaging 3 hrs sleep a day for the past four days and nothing NOTHING of what i studied came in the paper. I might as well have not studied anything. The paper was full of programs. Not that it wasn’t expected but it sure gave me a shock because hardly any programs had been asked in the previous years (yeah!!That’s how we study. We look at the past year question papers and decide what to study and what not to study)...well anyway it was a pathetic performance.

Realisation has just dawned me that I am NOT fit to be an engineer. I m probably the most useless engineer there ever was. I have zero technical knowledge, i am rubbish at programming and run miles when I hear about a technical seminar or symposium. suddenly after all these years I m being faced by the question "why engineering and what have I learnt in the four yrs of engineering”
Answering the first question is kind of tricky.

I think doing engineering was not a conscious decision on my part. I guess it was just assumed that I would do engineering. Other avenues were not even considered. One of the main reasons for this was the fact that I eleventh I set my mind on getting into BITS. Whatever I did for two years of secondary schooling I wanted to join BITS. In fact I was so hell bent on getting into BITS and was so sure that I would make it that I dint even feel the need to study hard for tnpcee or aieee.and I wanted to do engineering only if it was in BITS. I worked my ass out those two years and did all my exams pretty decently. Then came the last exam computer science. The exam was the day before the world cup India Australia match. i saw the whole match and wasted time.Time which i could have used to study.

OUTCOME??? Well I did almost as badly as India did in that match (maybe worse) and lost 14 valuable in comp sci.14 marks which cost me my precious dream place-BITS.

I think the only ever time in life when I was ABSOLUTELY broken and dejected and cried like I had lost everything in the world was June 30th 2003 when a cold and impersonal web page announced the fact that I had missed BITS by 1%...

After that I just wrote my SSN entrance exam like a zombie, was extremely disappointed when I got a seat in computer science of department of SSN. The top engineering college among 235 colleges, excellent placement record blah blah.....but it was not BITS. It has been four years and though I have had unbelievable fun in this place I think a part of me has still not recovered from that jolt of not getting into BITS.

Well anyway I am digressing. So engineering it was. I dint want to do engineering at all. Tried to give the exam for B.A. Journalism in MOP but everything was against me. registration for the test was over(I was so sure of getting into bits that I hadn’t even bothered to look up other colleges) and I was stuck with being an engineer...

Coming to the second part what have I learnt in four yrs of engineering have learnt many things about life. I have met some great people, made some really cool friends, few enemies too (read juniors),learnt a lot about people. Learnt that there is a hell a lot of difference between staying with people 24*7 in the hostel and spending some 6 hrs with them in college. I have learnt to laugh over my mistakes, get over my shortcomings,learnt to adjust with ppl, learnt to wash clothes(oh yeah!! my clothes are no longer multicolored because I left that bright red dress along with the pure white top and now both are a similar shade of red),organized events, had some serious fun and so many other things...

Now where does Computer Science and Engineering figure in this mess???U r right..It doesn’t figure anywhere. Which is why I m left wondering after every pathetic exam why the hell I m even doing engineering. Well I guess it is a little too late to ask this question when my graduation is only months away. Might as well sit back and enjoy what is left of it...but sometimes i do well i could have done something else much better with a lot more interest...Sigh!! Life would be so cool without the what if's!!!

6 comments:

R@hul said...

Waiting a year and taking up B.A Journalism wud've been better for u i guess..... if u felt so strongly about it. Then, there wouldn't have been a "what if?" You'd have no need for it.

Also, I would have really enjoyed talking to a journalist friend about life in the non-engg/med field.

Of course, I do realise parental pressure is a migraine whose only cure is the Para-surrender-amol.

Harish said...

"Realisation has just dawned me that I am NOT fit to be an engineer. I m probably the most useless engineer there ever was"
Sorry kiddo....that place has already been taken.....by me. Cheer up! I have survived 3 years and what more...I am now at clients place now. Life is not that bad after all :-)

Revathi said...

@rahul
hmmmm..yeah but at that time wasting one year doing nothing seemed extremely silly to me..so i just joined engineering..and yeah let me make it clear that there was ABSOLUTELY no parental pressure..they asked me to do whatever i wanted to do!!and i very wisely chose the wrong thing!!:):)
@harish
dude!! IF it is true(the fact that u r the most useless engineer)then trust me u have stiff competition!!and yeah life is great for me too..i just have these insane moments of regret which go as quickly as they come!!:):)

Ragesh said...

Well dude, ya our take on the web technology exam was completely different, but I can relate to you in terms of other, For you BITS, for me it was IIT, and I too felt the same depression when I got only SSN, but well let's look at the postive side and try to make the best of it..

ravi said...

Hey It's surprising to see you put like that. I usually get vexed cause u finish those exams quickly and then move out fastly from the hall.I always thought you were moving out of the hall arrogantly having written out a easiest paper which I w'd be staring and questioning myself what story to write to clear that one.
But u never show the hint of bad performance in ur reaction.Thts great .

Revathi said...

@ragesh
touche :)
@ravi
thanks...yeah i never stay till the end of the exam coz as soon as i come out of the hall there will be about twenty ppl discussing how they did the paper and i leave the hall early to avoid that not because i have done the paper well!!:):)