Saturday, June 14, 2008

???

Why is it that when I wish for something to happen it never does?

Why is it that when I advice someone it never works?

Why is it that I hate the course my life is charting and still feel pathetically incapable of doing something about it?

Why is it that I assume that people won’t mind what I say and will take whatever I say in the lighter vein? Why don’t I understand that people have feelings and can get hurt and feel bad unlike me?

Why MUST I act like I know everything that there is to know and why can’t I mind my own business?

Why is it so easy to convince me? Why do I always say yes to whatever people say? Am I indecisive? Am I a sycophant? Am I vulnerable? Am I stupid? Am I confused? Why don’t I know what I am?

Why is it that I lack the basic maturity to handle simple things in my life but seem to have lots of maturity in areas where it is of no use to me?

Why is it that though I have everything in life that I can ask for I crib?

Is it possible to love someone whom u haven’t seen, haven’t spoken to,dont know how they look, and who doesn’t even know that u exist just because u admire one trait in that person?

Is it possible to completely hate what you are doing, completely hate your job and yet be completely in love with life?

Is it possible to completely hate and totally love the same person at the same time? For that matter are love and hate mutually exclusive of each other?

Its been more than an year since I last cried because I have been really happy for the past one year, but yesterday night I was thinking “now why haven’t I cried for an year? Something is fishy”. Why am I scared of being happy?

The other day my manager told me that I had done a good job and gave me a high rating for everything this promotion cycle and told me she enjoyed reading my blogs. I should have been happy but I told myself “No Revs!! You hate this job. You hate the IT industry. You want to get out. Don’t be happy. No!!” why do I deny myself happiness?

If some one is nice to me I start thinking “ok!! Now what does he/she want” and when someone doesn’t talk to me I am like “huh!! Attitude?? See if I care”. Why am I so skeptical?

This post comes across as a post written by a morose, sad and suicidal person which is FAR far far from the truth. I am extremely happy and content with life as it is right now and life’s near perfect but these are questions which have been in mind for a long time and now they are out there because I decided I could do with a little bit of self introspection. It hasn’t helped because just like in college, though the questions are clear, the answers still elude me!! :)

16 comments:

sreeramshenoy said...

Why is that you are not the only one with such unanswered questions in mind? lolz..
Well as per the legends, "some questions have no answers" and when it comes to ppl like us, we have many such questions!! ;)
You have scared of being happy...while in my I don't know how to react when happy...maybe coz it comes rarely my way! Yet we have to live this life, the best way we can seeing to it that we don't hurt others on the way!! :)
Good post Revs!! :D

Karthik Subbaiah said...

Hmmm...Err...umm...phewww...
Nice silver jubilee of questions there. :) 25 of them!! Its answer time!! Your question and moi answers.

1. You know why...well if you did, why would ask such a question. But I know why. Coz everything happens for a reason. But everything that doesnt happen, happen for no reason. So stop pondering about why somethings dont happen. :P:P

2. Advices are given by wise, intellectual, elderly people to kids. And not the other way around. I simply dont understand how you can even dare to pose this question. :D

3. You have a huge Newton's first law problem I say. Its an eternal problem plaguing the whole of mankind. Its called Inertia to change. Its time you got your A** off that seat and get out. ;)

4. Coz you think the world is made of like minded people. And you dont want to convince yourself that you are thoda-hatke. But hey... does the human body have light veins and heavy veins. I dint know that for a fact. Dhanks. :D

5. Its better you dont understand that. Coz it involves lot of complex logic with default constructors overriding its super class's behaviour rendering an abstract class like you to ponder like this. *I can see you bite your teeth*

6. Thats coz your love yourself more than you love chocolate milk shake. Coz if you dint, you wouldnt be drinking chocolate milk shake and instead it would have been drinking you. I know... slap me for this non-sense of an answer. :s

7. Coz its convinient for others to convince you so that they can convince themselves that they can atleast convince one living soul on planet earth.

8. Your ignorance to other alphabets. From now on, you shift your focus from 'S' and start focussing on the other 25 alphabets. For starters you can say 'A'(yay), 'C'(see), 'D'(yen di), 'G'(respectfully), 'I'(aiyya...jolly), 'J'(jai), 'O'(Oooov...I see), 'U'(Youuuu), 'Y'(your blog's motto). :D

9. So far, pretty much 'bang on target' indecisive. Sounds so oxymoronic...moronic you might say. Whatever!!

10. Who isnt, tell me!! Why do you think I am writing this comment??:D:D But yeah...would love to join you in the club of sycophant.

11. Ooooh...Now you are being this typical 'oh-I-am-so-gentle-and-vulnerable-pretty-young-woman-you-know' types. Shed it. You aint vulnerable. It just isnt you..me thinks! *Thumbs up smiley here*

12. haha... Definitely proven beyond doubt time after time after time. Why do you even ask such stupid questions...huh!!

13. Ms. GBCI. C stands for confused. Read your blog title before asking such questions mam. :| Now this proves #10 once again. :D

14. If you had asked why dont I know who I am, I would have appreciated. Coz everyone does wonder who they truly are...But what you are... One helluva writer. Thats what you are...Atleast thats one thing I know. :)

15. Trust me. Even Einstein suffered from this problem. You seem to be a prodigy. You'll go places girl. Chill on this.

16. You are a Software Engineer. You have to crib. You know...The daily crib, the weekly crib, the monthly crib, the yearly crib and so on. Cribbing is your birthright, workright, liferight and more importantly namba jaadhiright.If you dont crib, you dont deserve to be in our 'jaadhi'!

17. This one seems a little weird. I'll give an equally weird answer. Depends. haha.. *Can imagine the look on your face*

18. Yes. Its possible. Ask me!! Living example. :D

19. I once asked a question in my blog long back in InfyBlogs. 'If you love someone for the same reasons you hate someone, do you love that someone??' And you know...that someone would be thinking.."If someone loves to hate me and hates to love me, should I love the hate or hate the love"!! *Bows down to the applause* Relax girl. It happens. See... You hate T.Rajendar. But then, imagine what would have happened if he dint entertain you with his pyrotechniques. Come on. You do love the fact that he gives so much entertainment...dontcha.. ;)

20. Love and hate are nothing but heart's front and back gate.
I dont know much about love and hate...
but I almost always am never late!!
Kavithaiya anubhavikkanam. Aaaraya koodadhu. *Accomplished smiley here*

21. You wanna make you cry. Well... I sure can raaavadhi!!

22. You are scared of being happy and yet you say, you are happy in life. Decide one thing girl. Now then...This pretty much seals #7!!

23. Phew... I never knew you tricked your manager also to believe that you are intelligent by making her read your blogs. Sigh...some people!! Now...answer to the question - Are you some kinda saint or something... swamin revathi ramanananda!!

24. huh!! Yeah!! Very much. Any prob??

25. You are a normal human being and its pretty normal to be skeptical. So chillax.

Phew... Now then... I am really getting a high now. hehehe... Hope I answered atleast some questions and posed some questions that has answers.

Without adding much out here, lemme go and grab my grub before I die a slow painful death of hunger.

P.S.: Err... 'Longest comment in a blog' award for your's truly?? Please send it across to my address!! I accept only cash/electronic goods as rewards/awards. :D

P.P.S.: Will you have blues on the coming monday morning?? :P

Anonymous said...

why is it that almost all the questions u asked come to my mind at some point of time almost everyday but i am either afraid to trouble myself thinking about these or tell my mind to ignore these(and i really don't know which one is true)...!!!
PS: hope u would find me out(hint: we first got introduced during one night in north india tour(i think it was wen we were returning after shopping in delhi..not sure) and u are afraid of me(atleast a bit :) ) since then..). do msg me if u do..

>>Jass said...

It toook me 30 seconds to read s3's comment and 300 to read the second one.. I actually read this post around two hours back, thought i d come back and comment later, something on lines of karthick's comment, but then I see someone has already done my job! ;)

For every problem under the sun,
There is an answer or there is none,
If there be one find it,
If there is none dont mind it :)
--Not my words

Hmm but this damn quote doesn't tell you how to arrive at whether the answer exists or not. I choose to always take the second path :)

P.S: Are you in for serious talk ? I m shocked! ;)

Kausikram Krishnasayee said...

ok cool let me tell you what the problem is
#! /usr/bin/env python
from datetime import datetime, timedelta
if (revs.age = datetime.now.timetimedelta(-2)):
revs.sys.environ['mindset'] = paranoid
cause:
prebirthdaySyndrome
return advanced.wishes

muhahaha (mojojojo style) i am geek :P it happens my friend these questions keep popping into my mind once every year ;)

Revathi said...

@S3
Thanks man. There were about 10-20 more questions but felt lazy to write them down, which brings me to another question, why am i sooooo lazy??? :)

@Kipauk mental
Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
(rubbing and re-rubbing my eyes and checking to see if that comment is for real)
you do have some patience man!! this is the first time i have gotten a comment which is bigger than my post is!! :)
Thank you so mcuch. your anwers werent very helpful but i had fun reading the,. especially 8. ;)
and 11!! oh man. no way. not THAT kind of adamsel in distrees vulnerable - no way!! just someone whose IQ level is so low that anyone can mould her mind in anyway that they want to!!
and point no 2!! how rude!! humph!! :-\
you havent had the sowbhagya of getting my advice kilapuk mental!!
i feel sorry for u!! lol!
Thanks again!! :)

@anon
i dont remember man. could u give me some other clues? and i am scared of you?? no way!! i have never been scared of any one, at least not my class mates, though the vice versa has been true many a times!! :P
who are you??

@jass
kya baat hai?? no geeky comment. i expected u to say. "Reva there is a paragraph indent of 1.25etween points 4 and 5 and only 1.1 between points 7 and 8. please correct the discrepance or soemthing!! :P"
but this time u have chose to copy paste some stolen quotes. not bad yaar. kaafi impressed hoon mai!! :D
and duh-huh!! u didnt have to say "not my lines". i KNOW u arent capable of such profound thoughts!!
Am I in for serious talk???
Hmmmm!! what do u think?? ;)

@budha
Ayyyo.. yenna KODUMAI kk idhu?? :P
i think its my blog's curse that for every post of mine some one or the other has to leave geeky comments. lol!!:D
and hey Thanks a lot for the birthday wishes man. and u think these are pre-birthday blues??
hmmm!!! Thanks for visiting!! :)

Karthik Subbaiah said...

@Raaavs
Did you say 10-20 more questions?? Please do post them.
Yours truly can answer them also at will. And well... Its not patience but joblessness thats made me do all this. :)
I personally liked 20!! A truly original quote!!
Actually after commenting I thought, 'idu konjam over aa irukko' nu... Then I was like, with raavs, nothing is 'over'!!
hahaha...Raavs... I seriously like this short form of yours.
So long...

Dinesh said...

I'm afraid I cant say as much as the others :-).

You live and you learn Revs.

Milinta said...

// Am I indecisive? Am I a sycophant? Am I vulnerable? Am I stupid? Am I confused?
Don't think too much. You are all of the above. :-P

// Why is it that I lack the basic maturity to handle simple things in my life but seem to have lots of maturity in areas where it is of no use to me?
Because you are all of the above :-P :-P

//Is it possible to love someone whom u haven’t seen, haven’t spoken to,dont know how they look, and who doesn’t even know that u exist just because u admire one trait in that person?
Ahem... Ahem... Are you sure they don't know you exist?? Statistics suggest otherwise :-P :-P :-P

// Is it possible to completely hate and totally love the same person at the same time? For that matter are love and hate mutually exclusive of each other?
Love and hate are not mutually exclusive. They only co-exist and drive you mad. - Erich Segal.

// Its been more than an year since I last cried because I have been really happy for the past one year, but yesterday night I was thinking “now why haven’t I cried for an year? Something is fishy”.
If this is your greatest problem right now, just CALL ME. I know the perfect remedy.

//The other day my manager told me that I had done a good job and gave me a high rating for everything this promotion cycle and told me she enjoyed reading my blogs. I should have been happy but I told myself “No Revs!! You hate this job. You hate the IT industry. You want to get out. Don’t be happy. No!!” why do I deny myself happiness?
Same pinch. And its cuz you are not doing what you want to do.

Haiya!!! i wrote a looonnnngggg comment too!!! so what if i copy pasted half of it from your blog itself?? its the length that matters here. yay!!!

preeti said...

hey Revs I am so happy for you. You have gone absolutely crazy. So just get outta your reverie and jaake kuch kaam kar. SO non revish. doggie.

Sheks said...

now why haven’t I cried for an year?

Mathavangala azha vechathu pathaathu-nu idhu vera! [:)]

P.S--NOM

Dinesh said...

belated bday wishes btw :)

Revathi said...

@kilpauk mental
Grrrrrrrr!!
onoda ella comments um rhombha over a dhaan irruku!! :P

@DD
Thanks for the comment and the birthday wishes!! :)

@milinta
Ooooooooh!! being funny are we?? yenoda blog a padhi copy paste paneetu long comment a?? Humph!!
just for this here i go "Thanks for dropping by Miiiiiii"!! :P'

@preetilol. thanks. yeah. blame it on pre birthday blues. i am OLD. its been three years since i stopped being a teen!! :(

@sheks
lol. Thanks!! glad i made u cry!! didnt know my blogs had that effect too!! :P

nivi30 said...

"Why is it so easy to convince me? Why do I always say yes to whatever people say? Am I indecisive? Am I a sycophant? Am I vulnerable? Am I stupid? Am I confused? Why don’t I know what I am?"

In a wierd way, I seem to connect with these.

but then again, is being infelxible and strong headed always a nice thing! Why is it that what we are somehow always come out in a negative connotation and all that we are "supposed to be" in positive.

I like being me with all the imperfections.That is what I believe actually defines you.

In a pure programming term, maybe we ought to be protected than public but definitely not private!

Anonymous said...

hey.. this is the same anonymous.. ok.. bulb vaangaama naanae sollidaraen.. this is chintu..

Heptanesian Blue said...

Yes, yes, yes, u can hate your job and still love life, because i also hate my job but i love life!!!! how can i hate something as wonderful as my life just because of a sick boss or a sick profile????
otherwise.....severe case of quarter life crisis.....i think i started going throught it before i even started school or something....have been perenially confused about something or the other.....!