Saturday, September 02, 2006

WEDDINGS

I hate weddings...no…let me be specific...I hate Indian weddings...no...Let me be even more specific…I hate south Indian weddings…this might sound like a hypocritical statement coming from a south Indian but I haven’t attended any north Indian weddings and hence I have no right to comment…

I must blog about a wedding which I attended about a week back…my cousin was getting married and I was chosen as a representative from my family to attend the wedding(that’s the problem if ur parents stay in a godforsaken place called jamnagar where they know no one and send u to Chennai to study where they know everyone)…well anyway so I was sent to attend this wedding…and to give me company was my sister(who got married an year back and was representing her family)…I already hate weddings and when u have a sister who has the IQ of a jellyfish and the sense of direction of Columbus for company let me tell u that u have had it…

We were to attend the janavaasam at 7.00 in the evening… my sister was supposed to come and pick me up at 7.00…by the time she came it was 7.30 and we left at about 8…the kalyana mandapam is about 2 minutes drive and fifteen minutes walk from my place… but my sister(r’ber I told u that she has the IQ of a jellyfish) suggested that we avoid all the traffic and take a shortcut to the wedding…when asked if she knew the shortcut well she gave me the kind of look which I guess was last seen when Hitler looked at the Jews… well anyway so we set out on a street which had never heard of the terms sodium vapor lamp and mercury vapor lamp…the street was pitch dark and preethi(my sister) decided she would take the road parallel to the kalyana mandapam and very accurately turned at a street which was exactly perpendicular to the kalyana mandapam(I told u she had the sense of direction of Columbus)… and we came to a stop at a deadend…she took a U turn and tried her level best(well…. the best which her IQ allowed that is) to catch the road parallel to the mandapam…well this went on and finally we reached the road only to discover that it was a one way…so my sister suggested we park the vehicle and walk the distance to the sathram… by that time I was so pissed all I wanted to do was reach the mandapam and eat…so we started walking towards the mandapam…we walked and walked and walked but there was no sight of the sathram…I suggested we ask someone but preethi suggested we go back, get the vehicle and try to locate the mandapam…so we took the vehicle and reached the mandapam only to find that it was about 100 mts from the place where we decided to go and get the vehicle…aaaaargggghhhhh!!

Well anyway so we finally reached the sathram at around 8.30 and the function was over and most of the guests had started leaving…but thankfully the food was still there…but we thought it would be extremely rude if we directly attacked the food without even saying hello…so we went and met my cousin, saw the groom and paid our respects to my grandmothers 86 yr old sister…
After that one of my periammas took the responsibility of introducing us to the rest of the relatives…

She told us “there are nine ppl in our family sita, gita, vasantha, balaji, rajaram, sudha, ramakrishnan, ramdas and shankar narayanan” and pointed each one of them to my sister and me…

My sister and I: (only half listening): oh!! Appdiya…yevalavu periya kudumbam..

Periamma: ippo yelaroda perayum thiruppi sollu paakalam!!

My sister and I(thought) : what the $%$^$%&????
But just politely smiled…

And then we met a couple of relatives…the following was the conversation which took place between two of my relatives and my sister

Periamma 1(introducing my sister to another relative): meet preethi- graduate of BITS-Pilani and working for sathyam…preethi meet Sandhya ur grandmother’s sister’s first daughter’s second daughter and also the brother of Sridhar

Preethi: (striving for an intelligent _expression): Oh!! Eppidi irrukel??

Well after this conversation we went and had our dinner and after dinner there was another conversation which went something like this

Periamma 2(pointing to Sandhya[(the same one as in the previous conversation]) : Preethi…do u remember Sandhya ??

Preethi : Of course I do…Sandhya!! Sridhar’s wife!!

Sandhya : (with a sour expression): actually I m sridhar’s sister not his wife…

LOL!!! Well now u know how bright my sister is…needless to say sandhya was not very pleased.

Next I had about 13 different ppl coming and pulling my cheeks apart and telling me how they had last seen me when I was in diapers and how much I had grown in the pat 19 yrs!!ugh..what do they expect..that I will still attend the wedding in diapers eh?? Naana sonnen ivalavu naal yenna paaka vendam nu?? Cha!! That is one thing I cant stand in weddings “yevlunda irundha nee ivalavu perusa aaitiye”…

And how can I forget the kutcheris..
Some poor soul will be singing away to glory with not a single person carrying two hoots about the music..this was the conversation I heard between two maamis in the first row when the kutcheri was going on

Maami 1: yen di Ambujam indha podava nee yenga vangina??

Maami 2: indha podava naa RMKV lu vanginen...super collection…

Maami 1: aana nethiku dhaan rangam idhe madri pachai podava yum araku border um potundu vandhale…ava sundari silks lu vanginen nu sonna…nee yevalavu vela kooduthu vangina?? Ava 3000 rs kuduthalam??

Maami 2(with an expression of triumph on her face): oh ho!! Appdiya..na discount lu 2500 rs ku vanginen

All this while that poor soul was doing heavy alabanai in keeravani…ayyo pavam…

There were actually many many more incidents which happened that day but I m not able to recount them and this blog is getting way too long anyway!!

My next blog will be on the advantages of weddings and why i like them...;);)

P.S: Preethi if u r reading this then I m sorry but it is time u came to terms with the fact that ur IQ is equal to that of a DUMB jellyfish!! :D:D

30 comments:

SQ said...

what do they expect..that I will still attend the wedding in ,diapers eh?? Naana sonnen ivalavu naal yenna paaka vendam nu?? Cha!! - lol

Your Periyamma is another interesting character, I guess it runs with the family hey no offense.lol.

And now you also have a post on why you like Marriages?:O?

Revathi said...

@ sq
thanks a lot..yeah we are whole family of interesting characters
(read weirdos)!!:D:D..
are u an indian???

Vijay krish said...

well i liked this post..'cause i hate south indian weddings aswell..i hate it so much i dont want to get married...sarcasm at its best...

Anonymous said...

Well!! I am damn sure you know who this is because i have been unfairly targetted without even a chance to explain myself to the readers of this blog.. Well dear readers of this blog i choose to be anonymous only because i dont have a blog of my own.. i have absolutely no qualms about introducing myself.. i happen to be Revathi aka Shruthis elder sister who according to her has an IQ which equals that of a jelly fish...

Well i have quite a few things to say about that... Starting with her unfair analogy between me and Columbus let me tell you that of all the people who went for the marriage i was the only one who knew where the place was albeit we reached it only after venturing the wrong way more than once... well my intentions were good and thats what counts isnt it?... (u guys better agree!!)....

And as far as that sister/wife goof up is concerned i kind of need to tell you guys the general circumstance that was prevailing when this relation was explained to me.. i was amidst atleast ten people each of whom wanted to pass on some piece of information to me.. Now what am i?? Some kind of dasavadani to assimilate and reproduce all those ten bits of info?? Some examples include

P1 (Person one): Enna nyabagam irruka.. naa onoda kalyanathukku vandein

Preethi: (trying to keep an honest face and recollecting the day of my marriage wherein truth to be told i dont even remember what i ate/whether i ate): Yeah i think so. There were too many people

P2: Do you know that my son got into Microsoft and then quit to get into Orchid and now is in Oracle? (all this when five other people are asking me various other things one of them primarily being "aathukaaru enga"???? and one kid which is trying its best to made me dupatta less not to forget my pattys sister who wanted me to fall at her feet which was surrounded by five tumblers, some spilt payasam and about to spill paruppu!!)

Preethi: (trying to smile!!) Oh i see, jumping so many jobs may not look good on the resume.. (well i couldnt think of anything else to say when he was looking at me beesechingly).

P3: Hey i am Sridhar,, Has your mother spoken to you about me?? We used to be really close back then!!
Preethi (trying to be nice with her obnoxious sister Revathi around): um.. yeah i think so.. she has indeed mentioned you in a couple of conversations..

Now my smart ass sister chooses this precise moment to voice her opinion "Preethi jhoot mat bol.. mummy ne kabhi inke baare mein baat nahi kiya hai (Preethi dont lie, amma has never spoken about him to us)... Thank god for me he didnt know Hindi.. Now you guys tell me even if i am a little low on the IQ side, i atleast have some panache unlike my sister...

Well now my dear readers this piece of info of Sandhya actually being Sridhars sister was passed on to me sometime in between the above three conversations (and some more which i dont remember).. I ask you all.. Is it humanely possible for me to remember and re produce that????

Now my darling sister i would like to see some fair comments on this article of yours now that the readers have both sides of the story!!!

sheikhee said...

hahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahah......Shruthi..i shud give it to u once for a gud job done on the part of blog.. N abt ur sis..Can u find a better person to comment than me ;) Anyways..She will rip me apart even for laughing tat way, leave alone acknowleding ur findings ;))..N being solely dependent on her fud when i make it to chennai..i better back off :)) Shruthi...aaanalum andha Jelly fish analogy gum!!!

Anonymous said...

i have to agree about this “yevlunda irundha nee ivalavu perusa aaitiye”…this is one thing every old paati or aunty come and ask!! And we like fools just give that stupid grin.....to be very true i would call it vazhiyal smile!! And also the kutcheris....atleast there shud be a separate sabha kind of thing inside the hall for music lovers to hear the kutcheri!!!or just dont have it!!!
And also agree with preethi on the conversation with Sandhya!! No way i would remember either!!
But all this apart..shruthi..awesome blog!! i loved reading it..i was just laughing like crazy!! Divya

R@hul said...

Rahul(Uproariously laughing): I'm sorry for ur sis...revathi...truly. That she had to face ur supremely sarcastic strains is really sad. I sympathize with u preeti...er....didi(sheepishly grining here for lack of appropriate word to address u)...anyway.... i know Re'vetti' is wont to exaggerate but this takes it to a humourously new high.......hehehe.....

Enfin.....

@ Vetti
Hats off....!!!!

@ Preeti(er...didi..)
Tch tch. Let me be your weapon against Revs....i've been unilaterally fighting her....i think we'd make a good tag team....whaddya say....eh?

Revathi said...

@vijay krish
thanks...sarcasm is my forte ;)

@preethi
muwhahahahahahahahahaaha!!!its my blog sis..i get to write whatever i want to write...LOL..

@sheikheeee
hi 5 dude!!;)

@divya
thanks rowdy...;)

@rahul
er...dude..whose side are u on?? u talk of teaming up with my sis but also doff ur hat at me..LOL..:D:D..thanks anyways!!:):)

Anonymous said...

Wow now somebody is talking :) I like you already Rahul :).. And no i hate any kind of didis, auntys attached to my name.. so please feel free to call me Preethi.. and er.. we will do our scheming in a secretive fashion... after all we cant be rambling about in this devils blog (muhahahahahah!!!)

Priya said...

Didnt you just insult the jelly fish? LOL :-)

Nanyaar? or sq said...

Indian ah?? aiyoo.. Tamil pa.

Nanyaar? said...

Oh just in case ure wondering, I came back to blogging as Nanyaar?

Catch me back there.

NY?

senthil said...

I dont know whether its correct to comment on one's personal life. Let me put it in short.
1. Revathi's post is nothing but selective listening. When we isolate a part of conversation, the meaning would change. This is what happens if we read revathi's blog & her sister's comment.

2. How do you expect those maami's to behave? They might not have that much exposure as revathi had. they dont have a chance to study in Annauniv, to become broad minded. (just my opinion)

When i use to go to my native home, my grandfather in his 80's would ask me, "where r u working? what is your job? etc" . I have answered hundred times before. And i would still answer the same question, the next time i go. I have accept his age and his situation. If not, i would had hurted him long time back.

3. What else, we speak to a relative, in a marriage function? Whether its rubbish or not, every one tries to communicates with other. Even rubbishness can sometimes bring people closer.

I commented on this, because, i too had the same situations in many marriages. The best way to tackle this problem is to remain calm and respond with smile.

Anonymous said...

My god Senthil, Your serious comments were too tempting for not to say something!! Dude get a life... When I being a target of the blog is not offended, why should you take it so seriously. The point is the blog written by my sister made people laugh and that is what is intended isnt it?? So why do you want to become all serious and do an psychoanalysis on the maamis??? And i dont think what Revathi has to say has got to do anything with exposure levels. When some mami asks you a stupid question like "wow u have grown", it only means that she is stupid, not that her exposure level dosent equal ours. and Senthil, you dont know about selective listening, in such situations you are made to listen whether you like it or not by all your relatives, so it is more of forced and complete listening than selective listening??? I seriously dont understand what is it that you are trying to convey by your unnecessarily serious comments!!!

Nanyaar? said...

psycoloanalyisis.. lol

Prashant said...

Well I didnt really have the time and neither do i have the inclination to read through all this u have created...as u know me too well am too lazy and unlike u I WORK DAMMIT....But nevertheless I am a die hard animal activist and i feel extremely insulted when u compare Preetis IQ to a Jelly Fish. Cmon. Seriously....Jelly fishes arent that bad....Lets think of a better comparison...Preeti in case u read this....dont worry if u dun understand it...blame it on the IQ

Anonymous said...

aaaaaaaaaah prashant mein tera seriously khoon karne waali hoon.. ek to shruthi ka blog address meina tujhe kal phone pe bataya aur uske upar tu mujhi ko tease kar raha hai.. gor paaapi!!!! ruk ja.. aaj mein tere blog pe itna saara comment chodne waali hoon ki tu pachtane wala hai.. grrrrrrr.. And i shall tell attai what a monster she has for her son!!! DOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Revathi said...

@prashu
even i m a lover of animals and trust it did pain me to compare the incomparable preethi ramanan with a jelly fish but kya karen??had to compare her with something...
@preethi
i guess u can stop trying to defend urself sis!!u suck at it!!LOL..:D:D

Prashant said...

PREETI THIS IS SPECIALLY FOR YOU. I M SURE THIS WILL HELP

Improve IQ - 17 Ways

11. Rosemary. This common herb may have an effect on the brain when the scent is inhaled. We are waiting for the research, but some people swear that just sniffing rosemary wakes up their brain. It seems safe, so if you have rosemary in your spice rack, give it a try.

13. Write. Writing is good for your mind in a number of ways. It is a way to tell your memory what is important, so you'll recall things more easily in the future. It is a way to clarify your thinking. It is a way to exercise your creativity and analytical ability. Diaries, idea-journals, poetry, note-taking and story-writing are all ways to use writing to boost your brain power.

14. Listen to Mozart. In a study at the University of California, researchers found that children who studied piano and sang daily in chorus, were much better at solving puzzles, and when tested, scored 80% higher in spatial intelligence than the non-musical group. In another study, 36 students were given three spatial reasoning tests on a standard IQ test. Just before the first test, they listened to Mozart's sonata for Two Pianos in D Major, K. 448 for ten minutes. Before the second test, they listened to a relaxation tape. Before the third, they sat in silence. The average scores for all 36 students: 1st test: 119. 2nd test: 111. 3rd test: 110. Improve iq by nine-points with Mozart!

16. Avoid foods that cause subtle allergies. These can include wheat, corn, peanuts and dairy products. Watch yourself to see if you have a problem with any of these. They cause digestive problems and brain fog in some people.

21. Speed reading. Contrary to what many believe, your comprehension of material often goes up when you learn to speed-read. You get to learn a lot more in less time, and it is definitely a good brain exercise.

22. Exercise. Long term exercise can boost brainpower, which isn't surprising. Anything that affects physical health in a positive way probably helps the brain too. Recent research, though, shows that cognitive function is improved immediately after just ten minutes of aerobic exercise. If you need a brain recharge, you might want to walk up and down the stairs a few times.

25. Learn more efficiently. When you decide to learn something, take notes from the start. Leave each "learning session" with a question or two in mind, to create anticipation and curiosity. Take short breaks, so there will be more beginnings and endings to your studies (Things learned at the beginning or ending of a class or session are remembered better).

26. Use techniques for clear thinking. Cluttered rooms and offices can contribute to cluttered thinking. Organize a space for mental work. Sigh, stretch, and take a deep breath before you start on a tough mental job. Plan some distraction-free time for brainstorming.

27. Brain wave entrainment. The newest brain wave entrainment products are powerful tools for altering your brain function. Some will almost immediately relax you, while others will put your brain waves in a pattern that is most conducive to analytical thinking. For more information on these, you can visit the page on Brain Wave Entrainment.

28. Creatine. This is a compound found in meat, used by athletes to help build muscle. Now the evidence is here to show that it helps your brain as well. Proceedings B , a journal published by the Royal Society reports that the research showed improvement in working memory and general intelligence resulting from creatine supplementation. The dose used in the study was 5 grams per day. This is about the level used to boost sports performance, and is as much as you'd normally get in four pounds of meat, according to lead researcher Dr. Caroline Rae.

29. Talk. Talking is only good for the brain if you are actually exercising it, of course. Try explaining something that you don't understand very well to a friend, though, and you'll notice that the process of explaining will help you clarify your understanding.

30. Do something you enjoy. This is a way to both lower stress and rev up your brain. The key is to do something active. Watching TV doesn't count. Whether it is playing Scrabble or building birdhouses, when you are actively engaged in an activity that you enjoy, you worry less about things and you start to think better.

31. Adjust your beliefs. Believe you are smarter, and you'll become smarter. For this, affirmations may work, but even better is evidence. Make a note of your successes. Tell yourself, "Hey, that was really creative," when you do something creative. When you have a good idea, make a note of it. Gather the evidence for your own intelligence and you'll start to experience more of it.

32. Brain exercises. Do math in your mind while driving. Think of a new use for everything you see. Almost any brain exercises have the potential to improve IQ and brain function. Regular use of the brain has been shown to generate new neuronal growth, and even halt the decline of mental function that often comes with age.

35. Model others. Find others that are creative, intelligent, or very productive. Do what they do, and think what they think. This is a key principle of neuro-linguistic programming. Be careful about taking their advice, though. Successful people often don't really understand why they are successful. Do what they do, not what they say.

36. Eat fish. Eating fish actually speeds up brain waves, and improves concentration. Researchers have
also found an almost perfect correlation between intake of fish and lowered levels of depression in the various countries of the world. The U.S. has 24 times the incidence of depression as Japan, for example, where fish intake is much higher.

37. Avoid unnecessary arguments. When you defend a position too vigorously, especially when it is just to "win" the argument, you invest our ego into it. This is not conducive to the easy acceptance and use of new information. In other words, you put your mind in a rut, and you dig it deeper with each argument. Debate can be a valuable thing, but when the ego takes over, the mind closes a little. This is not a way to improve IQ.

Revathi said...

@prashu
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...just cant stop laughing!!!!!!!ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!ROFTL!!:D:D

Preethi Ramanan said...

U abominable Dogs!!! Cant believe i have such "gaddars" as my brother and sister!!! PAUVRE MOI!!!

Ragesh said...

Oh man!! this is the best .. It's hilarious! Revs!. I am laughing my brains out..=))

Prashant said...

PAUVRE MOI


Sorry didnt get that...U know since me and shruts are not married and lead a far more interesting life than you ( and thats an accepted fact. Lets not fight on that ) i guess u ll have to explain us the meaning of this term u used in ur last post...And also u knw dont feel bad about having a low IQ. See, as a rule of nature the weak is supplemented by the strong. So i guess it is natural ( and here i assume ) that ur hubby will have far far far more IQ than u do. So i guess the sum total of family IQ will still be the same. Just one suggestion though...In most cases where the male is the more dominant IQ partner ( in this case hubby)and the female is a the sleeping partner ( not in the real sense of the word I mean the non dominant partner ) the offspring generally show a tendency to get equal chromosomes frm each parent. Just wondering that ur offspring does not get the IQ half from u...Just a serious concern i wanted to bring to ur notice...Shruthi what do u have to say??

Revathi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Revathi said...

@ragesh
thanks man :)
@prashu
hmmmm...man u do have a point..but considering the fact that all the other genes of the offspring will be strong (naturally considering the fact that it has an aunt[me] and uncle[you] of highly superior IQ) i think our worries are baseless..and more importantly we shud not let preethi's pea sized brain handle all this stress of worrying about the future offspring..bechaari kitna to stress handle karegi!!but one thing which really worries me is the offspring HAS to necessarily inherit something from the mother...i wonder(read worry about) what it will inherit???

Prashant said...

@Shruthi
I think the kid will inherit Preeti's brains ( read nil ), Preetis Roop ( read nil ) and Preetis attitude and sportiness ( Read Superb ).

@ Preeti
Sometimes I do appreciate the fact that u take all this shit from us..Since u do take it sportingly, SHRUTI LETS CONTINUE AND KICK ASS...

Revathi said...

@prashu
heh heh!!well said...i hope it inherits kishore's brains and looks and preethis's sportiness and attitude...
and yeah lets continue to kick ass...i m lovin' it!!:):)

Preethi Ramanan said...

You dogs, u are right... dont push it too far.. then i might blow my top one day and u shall have to bear the brunt of it.. ha ha.. but i am enjoying myself immensely though i am being unfairly targetted..

and my darling bro, pauvre moi in french means "poor me" in English :)

ha ha whatever my kid gets i just hope it dosent inherit devily qualities from you guys!!

prashant said...

@Preeti

WHAT IF...WHAT IF...WHAT IF...

what if...what if the off spring has all the wrong characteristics...i mean he/she has an IQ like Preeti ( a case which has been patented by Revs and the will of Revs makes me the second in line for patent ), he/she has zero traits as far as mannerisms of the same sex is concenrned ala Shruti, he/she is a confused ass who does his/her engineering and gets into advertisig ala me or to get a fresh perspective he/she speaks hindi, english or tamil in a Gujarati accent ala Rishu....What if...

@Shruti

I know u desperately need to give one back to preets...cmon she ll take it lightly....c mon go for it...

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