Sunday, January 06, 2008

Of Sisters and Brothers in law who love to feed me!! :P

I am dreading going to my sisters place nowadays. Why you ask? Well let me explain. Now I have relatives all over Chennai. Like I was telling a friend of mine the other day, if u stumble and fall in Chennai you will either fall over a software professional or a member of the natraja iyer or gopalakrishna iyer family. Name the place in Chennai and I have relatives there. Thiruvanmiyur - Yes, mandaveli – Yes, T.Nagar – Yes, Adyar- infested, velacherry- Yup, kodambakkam – oh yeah, besant nagar – yeah. You get the drift? And all the members of the natraja iyer and gopalakrishna iyer families have one thing I common. They love to feed people. All of them have two passions in life. To eat and to feed. Which is why I avoid going to their houses because all of them love me and the amount of food they give me is directly proportional to their love and the amount of food I eat is proportional to my size.

For example lets take my grandmother. My grandmother spends all her waking hours deciding what to cook. The minute she finishes making lunch her concern is “Tiffin ku enna pannalam”? The minute the tiffin menu is decided it becomes “rathri yenna pannalam”. It’s a long vicious cycle. My grandmother thinks that every problem in life can find its roots to food. She believes that if hunger is wiped out in this world all the problems would disappear. If given a chance she would probably call osama bin laden home for lunch and feed him because I am sure she thinks he goes around bombing world trade centers because he is hungry. I am serious. There are times when I am really angry/sad/pissed about something and she goes “pasi naala dhaan unnaku kovam varadhu. Iru thayir sadam kudukaren” (you are angry coz u r hungry. Wait I will get some curd rice for u). anyway she is a darling and her food would give the best chefs in this world a run for their money and I don’t complain and if u look at me u will realize that I have done more of eating than complaining.:P

Anyway after my sister got married I decided I would give her and her husband (lets call him K) the pleasure of having my company. I had my own ulterior motives. I knew that if I had to reduce weight it wouldn’t help if I went to any of my other umpteen relatives’ place. My sister I decided wouldn’t be that great a cook (Big Mistake on my part) and hence my decision to grace their house with my presence. Coming to the essence of this post I have decided to stop visiting my sister’s place because she has started proving it is the blood of natraja iyer and gopalakrishna iyer that runs in her veins. And as if that’s not enough she has also started influencing K. Not only has she started cooking well but she has also donned role of a mother hen whose sole purpose in life is to feed. My sister and BIL do not have any children yet and they seem to be practicing with me. “Feed your sister and u will feed ur children well” seems to be their motto. With 0 exaggeration (stop rolling ur eyes!!) this is what happens everyday when I visit them

8.00 in the morning

K: hey shruthi. What do u want for breakfast?
Me: Errr.. I think I ll just grab something in office
Sis: no no. I know u wont eat anything. I will make some oats for you

Now there is nothing in this world I detest more than oats because 1. it is healthy and 2. it is white (I hate all white things. Milk, oats, vanilla ice cream etc)

Me: Please no.!!
K: nothing doing. Oats it is. And u must have lots of fruits along with it.
Me: hmmm can I just have the fruits alone
Sis: oats will help u lower ur cholesterol, prevent diabetes, blah blah

She will make a very good mother and will make some poor kid’s life hell I decide.

Me: ok. But just make me a little.

After some time my sis comes carrying this 2 litre vessel full of oats and places it before me
Me: Hmmm. U guys take ur share. I ll eat the rest
Sis: (giving me a puzzled look): our share?? THIS is ur share. Ours is in the kitchen!!
Me: What??????????? You expect me to eat this huuuuuuge bowl full of oats? What do u take me for?? A pregnant elephant who needs her nutrients???
K: hey wait!! I haven’t added the fruits yet.
Me: (voice sharp with sarcasm which is wasted on K of course): only apples? U don’t have oranges or bananas??
K: oh yeah we do. We even have pomegranates.

"Just wait" he says and cuts half a banana, half an apple, half an orange and half a pomegranate and empties into the bottomless chasm also called a bowl of oats. And after that both of them hovered over me till I finished (yeah!! I did finish. I couldn’t flush it into the loo with both of them watching and fussing over me) the entire bowl.
The same procedure was followed for lunch and dinner where for lunch a plate full of bisibelebath (it could easily have been used to feed 5 children for 2 days in Somalia.) + curd rice was forcefully shoved down my gullet by a very loving sister and BIL and for dinner I was again lovingly fed 5 aloo paranthas (no kidding!!) with curd and after that my sister complained that I wasn’t eating what she cooked and being disrespectful. At this statement of hers I was even afraid to stare open mouthed for fear of the fact that they might push some food down my open mouth thinking I am hungry.

So there you go. I have decided that I must make my visits to my sisters place infrequent if I am to keep alive my hopes of reducing my weight.

P.S: Preethi and Kishore – if u guys are reading this u KNOW how shameless I am. U KNOW that tomorrow this time I will probably be at home telling u guys that I am hungry and want food. So though I KNOW you guys wont mind me writing this post, this is just to tell u that u guys are the best!!Love ya!! Muah.:) . and before they throw me out of blogger for such obscene public display of affection I will stop this post!!! :)

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are making me hungry. I love food too. Not oatmeal. I miss my patti very much. She is with GOD now.

Rumya

ashwin said...

good one :)
Thank god. I am in chennai with my parents & my sister is in b'lore . Just tried to put myself in ur shoes & then realized the pain . (Courtesy sweet sambhrar & a sweet cuisine that would be served @ my BIL's house. )PS: He s a madwa & i decided that i wouldn't dare to go behind a kannada girl.. Salubrious meals s essential for my survival :)

Vinod said...

I appreciate your genuine intention to mind your appetite but I reaalllly pity your stomach...couldn't you have just pretended to faint after eating so much? or just sleep on the table...the table is cleared faster...;)

Revathi said...

@Rumya
I am sorry top hear that!! Thanks for visiting!!! :)

@ashwin
Awww man!! how much i envy you. having a sister and BIL 500 kms away can do so much good to ur digestive system!! :P
Thanks for visiting!!:)

@vinod
Well!! thats an idea but knowing my sis and BIL they would probably hook me up to an IV and push food into my system intravenously if i pretended to faint!! :|
Thanks for visiting!!:)

Milinta said...

hey hilarious man!! didn't know ur sis took such good care of u..
oru chinna doubt. why did u have to keep ur BIL's name top secret all thru the post, refering to him as 'K', when anyways u let it out in the mushy gushy P.S. ?? he he...

Jaya S said...

Was that really, truly zero exaggeration? Thank goodness I don't live in the same city as my Paati. The two Iyer families are obviously very happy to have a sweet, accommodating person to feed. Keep up the good work :)!

Anonymous said...

Hello...there...this is that K that you were talking about....

Just to remind you...if it wre for you, you would probably have salt water for breatfast (ore of salt and less of water)

Have Salt for lunch...maybe a bite of Guava to go along with it...

Have probably Salt for Dinner along with a ton of "manga ingi"....

I would have had to go on a Salt march to prevent you from finishing up all the salt from all the oceans...

Anyways...nice blog...keep up the good work...and come home ..from now on its going to be oats for breakfast lunch and dinner...

LOL
Kish

>>Jass said...

I wish i was in your place ! :)

Home food is something Ive been sorta longing for...

"The grass is always greener on the other side" *grin*

Revathi said...

@mi
hey i just used K coz its easier to type than kishore in the conversations, not for the sake of anonymity!!
and yup my sis takes real good care of me. so much so that i wish she wouldnt take such good care sometimes!! :P

@jaya
yup 0 exaggeration it is!! :)
Thanks for visiting!!

@kishore a.k.a K
heh heh!! hey man!! this is a public forum. dont let out my diet secrets here!! LOL..i wanted to write about the salt thing. maybe next time!! :)
Thanks for visiting

@jass
dude!! u can borrow my sis bu ALL means. she would be more than glad to feed u i am sure!!
Thanks for visiting!! :)

Milinta said...

ni yenaku matum 'thanks for visiting' solave ila revs... ore feelings ah iruku. ;) :D

Anonymous said...

I swear...These people are ultra-hyper about feeding well. Every time I go to these guys house I make a point to myself that I wont eat.

I step in and 5 mins - Ok I will eat but not much

10 mins into it - I will eat, probably much more than I need, but next time I wont

Next time - I have no way of getting out of this..Let me as well eat it.

BTW whats salt all about?

- Tormen...

Anonymous said...

I swear...These people are ultra-hyper about feeding well. Every time I go to these guys house I make a point to myself that I wont eat.

I step in and 5 mins - Ok I will eat but not much

10 mins into it - I will eat, probably much more than I need, but next time I wont

Next time - I have no way of getting out of this..Let me as well eat it.

BTW whats salt all about?

- Tormen...

Revathi said...

@mi
Aieeeeeeeee..unna madichu onoda comment ku reply pannadhe perusu!!! :P
lol. Thanks for visiting mi!! :)

@ashwin
Sigh!! yeah. you are one of the few people who can relate to me and the tortures which i am subjected to. for u at least it is once in a blue moon. for me unfortunately it is every other day!!! :P

BOB said...

LOL post.. Its really tough to think abt weight reduction when ur at home.. It clicked for me when I was away from home.. Back at home my family and relatieves wants me to gain more weight and they said I've gone weak.. rofl

Revathi said...

@bob
yeah!! the words weight reduction adn home shouldnt be uttered in the same breath!! thanks for visiting!! :)

Revathi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.