I hate posing for photographs. Well!! Not that I am a celebrity of some kind whose house is being thronged by photographers of all kinds who go “Please please come out so we might get a glimpse of u and take a picture” but the rare times that some one does actually want to take a picture of me I cringe and shy away and try to give lame excuses about how the flash blinds my eye or pretend to not notice that fact that the photographer is actually waiting to take a snap and purposely wander to a place which is devoid of photographers.
No seriously. Maybe this makes me sound like a snooty and haughty person who thinks she is too high and mighty to actually pose for a photograph with peasants but most of the times I never know what expression to give when I am being photographed. My expressions in all the photos which feature me range from “please finish taking this photo soon coz I badly need to visit the loo” expression to the “I am a model for close up toothpaste and this photo is to prove that I have 32 teeth” expression to the “I am a mean machine and I eat small photographers for breakfast and the big ones for lunch” expression.
I have some friends who are naturals when it comes to posing for a photograph. I envy them and I wonder how they manage to strike the right expression at all times and how their face automatically curves into a smile while my attempts to smile result in leaving a constipated expression on my face and a pain in my jaw due to the forceful smile. There are a lot of occasions where I am stumped as to what expression to give
Now what do u do when u go to the wedding of a person you don’t know very well? You go up on stage, give the gift all the time hoping and praying that the photographer doesn’t grin and say “one minute photo please” and the minute u finish ur prayer u hear a voice saying “one minute photo please” and u stand there wondering what to do with ur hands. Do u put them around the arm of the person next to u – but wouldn’t that look too informal? or do u fold ur hands across ur chest and stare stupidly into the camera (my standard and favorite expression which I have mastered after years of practice and attending useless weddings) but wouldn’t that look too unfriendly? Or do leave ur hands by your side – but hey this is a wedding not the national anthem being played at the republic day parade that u need to stand in attention. So every time I attend weddings I try to hide behind a horizontally challenged person (read: fat) so that I don’t feature in them snaps!!
2. Eating at marriages:
This is by far the most uncomfortable and irritating situation ever. All the times when you sit to eat the wonderful marriage food and wonder if you should drink the payasam first or attack the bisibelebath first and are trying to solve this delectable confusion, the second vilest threat to mankind (the first place goes to… brokers) a.k.a photographers and video men will materialize from no where, put a blinding light on your face and try to capture a picture of you eating there by broadcasting ur eating habits to the entire world (the world wasn’t supposed to know that u put all five fingers into ur mouth when u eat!! :rolling eyes:)
And all the time you are left to wonder what you should do. Should u eat like a glutton unmindful of the camera – but jeez!! What if geroge Clooney stumbled across this video one day and decide against marrying u saying u had disgusting eating habits? Or should u just stop eating and look into the camera and stare stupidly – but wouldn’t that be too artificial and wouldn’t people think u r trying to hog the limelight? Or should you eat daintily just picking at the food and pretending that the bisibelebath and aloo sabzi are trivial things for a person with your level of sophistication? Naaah? Given my level of “sophistication” (the most sophisticated I can get is using one straw to drink milkshake rather than using two of them and inserting them into my nostrils!!) I could never do that. So most of these marriage videos which feature me capture me with food on my hands and a stupid expression on my face.
To all u dorks who are going “ha ha!! Yeah right. Like u have an intelligent expression on ur face all the time” I am going to show u how sophisticated and intelligent I am – Author putting out her tongue at the audience and going Uuuuuuuuuuuu!! :P Humph!! Now if that’s not sophisticated and intelligent I dunno what is. :-\
3. group photos:
Now I have close to 8 gb of photographs of college life which is close to some 1000 odd snaps and only about 100 of them feature me. All through college I enjoyed being the photographer rather than being a part of the photo. All through college two words which I dreaded the most weren’t “internals” or “results” but “say cheese”. The photos which were taken without my knowledge were ok because I didn’t actually have to strive for an expression. But as soon as someone asked me to pose I would become conscious and try to achieve what looked like a smile but what finally came in the photo was a cross between a grin and a smile which would look so artificial that people would look at the photo and go “you spoilt the entire photograph man. Everyone is smiling and you look like a person who has escaped from rehab and badly wants a bottle of liquor”.
Not my fault. I just wasn’t born with the “smile-when-someone-clicks-a-camera-gene” in my body
I just hope the day George (Clooney) asks for my hand in marriage he agrees for a quiet ceremony and does not insist on a huge wedding inviting everyone and being photographed because I HATE being photographed and posing for snaps!! :P