Saturday, July 19, 2008

Say Cheese, Click...Oh "Snap" out of it!!

I hate posing for photographs. Well!! Not that I am a celebrity of some kind whose house is being thronged by photographers of all kinds who go “Please please come out so we might get a glimpse of u and take a picture” but the rare times that some one does actually want to take a picture of me I cringe and shy away and try to give lame excuses about how the flash blinds my eye or pretend to not notice that fact that the photographer is actually waiting to take a snap and purposely wander to a place which is devoid of photographers.

No seriously. Maybe this makes me sound like a snooty and haughty person who thinks she is too high and mighty to actually pose for a photograph with peasants but most of the times I never know what expression to give when I am being photographed. My expressions in all the photos which feature me range from “please finish taking this photo soon coz I badly need to visit the loo” expression to the “I am a model for close up toothpaste and this photo is to prove that I have 32 teeth” expression to the “I am a mean machine and I eat small photographers for breakfast and the big ones for lunch” expression.

I have some friends who are naturals when it comes to posing for a photograph. I envy them and I wonder how they manage to strike the right expression at all times and how their face automatically curves into a smile while my attempts to smile result in leaving a constipated expression on my face and a pain in my jaw due to the forceful smile. There are a lot of occasions where I am stumped as to what expression to give

1. Marriages:
Now what do u do when u go to the wedding of a person you don’t know very well? You go up on stage, give the gift all the time hoping and praying that the photographer doesn’t grin and say “one minute photo please” and the minute u finish ur prayer u hear a voice saying “one minute photo please” and u stand there wondering what to do with ur hands. Do u put them around the arm of the person next to u – but wouldn’t that look too informal? or do u fold ur hands across ur chest and stare stupidly into the camera (my standard and favorite expression which I have mastered after years of practice and attending useless weddings) but wouldn’t that look too unfriendly? Or do leave ur hands by your side – but hey this is a wedding not the national anthem being played at the republic day parade that u need to stand in attention. So every time I attend weddings I try to hide behind a horizontally challenged person (read: fat) so that I don’t feature in them snaps!!

2. Eating at marriages:
This is by far the most uncomfortable and irritating situation ever. All the times when you sit to eat the wonderful marriage food and wonder if you should drink the payasam first or attack the bisibelebath first and are trying to solve this delectable confusion, the second vilest threat to mankind (the first place goes to… brokers) a.k.a photographers and video men will materialize from no where, put a blinding light on your face and try to capture a picture of you eating there by broadcasting ur eating habits to the entire world (the world wasn’t supposed to know that u put all five fingers into ur mouth when u eat!! :rolling eyes:)

And all the time you are left to wonder what you should do. Should u eat like a glutton unmindful of the camera – but jeez!! What if geroge Clooney stumbled across this video one day and decide against marrying u saying u had disgusting eating habits? Or should u just stop eating and look into the camera and stare stupidly – but wouldn’t that be too artificial and wouldn’t people think u r trying to hog the limelight? Or should you eat daintily just picking at the food and pretending that the bisibelebath and aloo sabzi are trivial things for a person with your level of sophistication? Naaah? Given my level of “sophistication” (the most sophisticated I can get is using one straw to drink milkshake rather than using two of them and inserting them into my nostrils!!) I could never do that. So most of these marriage videos which feature me capture me with food on my hands and a stupid expression on my face.

To all u dorks who are going “ha ha!! Yeah right. Like u have an intelligent expression on ur face all the time” I am going to show u how sophisticated and intelligent I am – Author putting out her tongue at the audience and going Uuuuuuuuuuuu!! :P Humph!! Now if that’s not sophisticated and intelligent I dunno what is. :-\

3. group photos:
Now I have close to 8 gb of photographs of college life which is close to some 1000 odd snaps and only about 100 of them feature me. All through college I enjoyed being the photographer rather than being a part of the photo. All through college two words which I dreaded the most weren’t “internals” or “results” but “say cheese”. The photos which were taken without my knowledge were ok because I didn’t actually have to strive for an expression. But as soon as someone asked me to pose I would become conscious and try to achieve what looked like a smile but what finally came in the photo was a cross between a grin and a smile which would look so artificial that people would look at the photo and go “you spoilt the entire photograph man. Everyone is smiling and you look like a person who has escaped from rehab and badly wants a bottle of liquor”.
Not my fault. I just wasn’t born with the “smile-when-someone-clicks-a-camera-gene” in my body

I just hope the day George (Clooney) asks for my hand in marriage he agrees for a quiet ceremony and does not insist on a huge wedding inviting everyone and being photographed because I HATE being photographed and posing for snaps!! :P

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

The trick is simple..

You should make an imaginary conversation when you pose for a photograph.

- If its a stranger's wedding, you should put the stranger in front (imagination) and give a courtesy smile and just freeze it for 2 mins...that becomes "naanum kalyanathuku vandhen" pose

- If you are in a friend's wedding or with a gang for a photo shoot, remember the koothu you had adichufied. If its a regular shoot, you think about the koothu and who was at the receiving end. You will smile with "vuttu pethutomle mame" smile.. If the mood is oh we may not meet again you should smile with "epdi irunda naam epdi aaporom look"

-- If its at lunch/dinner pandhi in kalyanam, best thing to do is chips and appalam..bite it one quarter of a piece at a time till the video guy leaves. Caution - No mooka soriyardhu...mudiya velakki vidradhu etc...just the chips munching action..you cannot go wrong in this..

Shit...I should start a "how to pose for a photograph without having to" blog

- Torm'tor

Aravindan said...

Revs, ROTFL. Such a grand post yaar! Superb!


Well i too join you.. I Just HATE posing for snaps. Yuck! I dont feel like myself when someone says cheese.


>>Author putting out her tongue at the audience and going Uuuuuuuuuuuu!!

:lol:

anu said...

i love the title and i love the first comment and i love all thats in between!

Arun said...

Revs, I'll be lazy and say "refer to Anu above" :) ! liked this one a lot..could totally relate to everything that was written...
hey what about when you pose for passport photos?! :D

Sujatha said...

ROTFL post Revs!!

Could totally relate to this post:)

Ashwath said...

dhool takkar post... this is the first post i am reading in ur blog and i truly enjoyed it... ;-)

preeti rocks said...

hey doggie, superb post :) i laughed my a** off and woke up all at home. it is impossible for you to achieve this herculean task of posing for photos. so jus free the thought :)

Harish said...

Amen!
we had a photoshoot yday.. full with coat suit tie kodumai.
I vividly remember commenting that it should be declared a criminal offense to be photogenic! how do they do that? :(

avani said...

:)))))))
i usually pose like a retard for my photos.. keeps off ppl that way and also gives peace of mind :D.. what say..

Milinta said...

// I just hope the day George (Clooney) asks for my hand in marriage he agrees for a quiet ceremony and does not insist on a huge wedding inviting everyone and being photographed because I HATE being photographed and posing for snaps!!

Onake idhu konjam over ah theriyala??? lol!!! The best of your pics would be the 'alien' photograph i think... You looked like you were a kid from Somalia who had just seen food after 3 months :D Sooper post as usual!!

>>Jass<< said...

/*All through college two words which I dreaded the most weren’t “internals” or “results” but “say cheese”*/

Ahem!"Internals" or "results" are one work each :P

Being photographed/videographed while eating certainly is irritating.Like Torm'tor said it! if you got salad or chips or something , eat that ! Works with the video. If its a photo i stop eating, ignore the camera and pretend to not notice the photographer. [and start counting 1 to 10 before i get up and punch him in the face, *rolling eyes* ]

Sheks said...

Each time I laugh (or rather,smile)my friends say I smile well and that it should be snapped (by a camera).At that moment there would be no camera and when there is one,I am forced to put on an artificial smile that ends up with me looking awkward in the photo.Talk about the correlation between the dog and the stone.

sreeramshenoy said...

ROFL...Revs, "Say Cheese"...C.L.I.C.K!! :D
I love to pose for pics...but I can clearly relate to what you are saying in the first point wherein you go to the wedding of an unknown insaan, and pose just as insane!
I went to one yesterday...the guy happened to be my duuuur duuuuur ka cousin...I didnt even know that he existed till yesterday morning when mom asked me to accompany her and dad...I shook hands with the bride and groom with wide 32 inch smile...and when I tried to escape, the bride calls "hey photo"...she asked me to pose for a photo or she called me that, I have no idea...na jaan na pehchaan, mein tha uska mehmaan...so I posed standing next to the groom (that was the first mistik) with one of my shoulders drooping compared to the other...total imbalance...didnt know if I was supposed to show my well brushed teeth, but ended up not showing as I was damn sure that the photographer was not a duuuuuuuuuuuur duuuuuuuuuuuuur ka rishtedaar...that was an on-the-spot decision!! ;)

Otherwise I love getting framed...not literally...uske liye bahut time hey mere dost!! :D

Kausikram Krishnasayee said...

gosh this is nothing ..i end up closing my eyes every photo i am in

Aman said...

Hey Revs,

guess who landed here to take ur snap

Revathi said...

@ashwin a.k.a tormentor
ROFL!!! everyone including me seems to have enjoyed ur comment more than the post!! do do do write about how to pose for a photograph and the different scenarios in ur blog!! :)
lol @ mooka soriyardhu...mudiya velakki vidradhu!! :D
i remember one video caught me with curd on my nose!! gosh!! it was soooooo embarassing!! :-\
thanks for visiting!! :)

@aravindan
uuuuuuuuuu!! :P
Thanks for visiting man!! :)

@anu
and i love ur comment!! :). Thanks a lot.

@arun
i m lazy. refer anu's comment above!! :P
and hey thats an idea man. how the hell did i forget abt the passport photos. will have to do a part II i think!! :)

@sujatha
merci mademoseille!! :)

@ashwath
hey!! thansk a lot for visiting reading and commenting man!! :)

@preeti
aieee. vetti dubakur!!! :D
Thanks!! :P

@harish
coat suit a??? ROFL ROFL. andha photo blog la podavum or yennaku anupavum!! :P. the professional photos u dont have a choice but to give a constipated smile!!
Thanks for visiting!!:)

@avani
lol. thats what i end up doing most of the times. i make goofy faces which at least helpo others smile!! ;)
Thanks for visiting!!

@mi
unnaku poramai!!!:P the day clooney really asks for my hand i wont call u for the small ceremony which we will have.
and u know what. i thought i would put up the alien photo here but i was scared that i would shoo away the few visitors that i have. i still havent forgiven besant nagar girls for using that pic as a desktop background!! :P

@jass
tu BOHOT smart hai!!:P
Uuuuuuuuuu!!
Thanks for visiting!! :)

@sheks
lol. i can so understand. the times wehn we actually feel like smiling and look presentable there is no camrea in the vicinity!! :)
ironies of life!! :)
Thanks for visiting!! :)

@sreeeeeeee
heh heh!! i can so understand. and imagine my plight. i mean you are the kind of person who likes being snapped. i totally hate it even in the presence of friends!! most of these marriage photos feature me in the far BG with jus my forehead showing!! ;)

ROFL @ I love getting framed!! :D:D
Thanks for visiting!! :)

@kk
heh heh!! yeah. thats one more thing i forgot to cover. the flash is soooooooo blinding that i end up closing my eyes most times!! :)

@aman
Saale!!! :D
kaisa hai?? where are you?Long time.:) Thanks for gracing my blog page with ur presence sir. how is IMT treating u?? :)

Karthik Subbaiah said...

Well... I have just seen two pics of yours. One was so bright that I literally couldnt see anything and the other was so well 'un-jolie'ish and weird that I went into peals of laughter.
Coming to the post, hilarious. You are losing that rustiness and getting back into the groove which is great. :)
@Photos of eating: Yeah.. I hate such photos. I look so bad when eating given the fact that I never eat... I hog. :D
But hey... you know what, I mastered that art of crocodile smile. There was a point in time when even I dint know how to pose. But slowly but surely, I learnt how not to pose and there you go. Impressive snaps. :D

George Clooney eh?? Idu onakke romba too much aah theriyala... Are you sure you are spelling it right...Coz I think it should be Charles Cooley who works in Chennai Central Station as a cooley. :D

bluediamond (AKB) said...

what if i say that i m sure you'l be surely looking good when you smile???? ;)not that u don't otherwise... but still... smile always bring life to any face i suppose... and without photos what memories man... it just relives the moments... so give a try... wait... do u like photography??

Revathi said...

@kilpauk mental
Rhombha over a pesadha. I meant GEORGE CLOONEY. The guy who come sin oceans eleven and asks Julia Roberts “Does he make u laugh”!! Sighhhhhhh!! (That’s when I fell in love with him I think)
And don’t talk about that Angelina jolie photo of mine ok? I have had a lot of people telling me that they actually thought it was a picture of angie and not me!! :P
Thanks for visiting and commenting KMS!! :)

@akb
I love photography. But others don’t like the photographs I take!! :P
Thanks for visiting AKB!! :). Hope yer doing good!! :)