Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I dont care!! :-\

I was not born to optimize SQL queries. My parents DID NOT give birth to me 22 years back for me to sit and optimize queries. I don’t care if a blasted query takes 200 seconds to run or 187 seconds to run. The fact that the queries I write are even running is a big thing and now I need to optimize it??? I don’t care if I overload the server because the pathetic queries I write tend to run twice as longer than queries that size are usually supposed to run. I don’t care if the left outer join I wrote cannot give good results, I don’t care about the number of seconds which can be saved by using an inner join instead of a normal join, I don’t care about the difference between a right outer, left outer, inner and equi join.

For all I care the wretched query can run all my life, overload the server, hang the database, kill all operations and sabotage the entire project. I DON’T CARE!!

Writing optimum queries and good code does not give me a kick. I DON’T CARE!!

I do not shed happy tears when I see “Query executed successfully” on my screen. Given the fact that I have to run 20 more similar queries which will take their own sweet time to run, the only tears I feel like shedding are the ones Sreesanth shed when Bajji slapped him. I DON’T CARE!!


P.S: I started writing this post and running a miserable query at the same time. I am done with the post. Mr.Miserable query is still running!! :-\
P.P.S: it ought to be a crime to have more than 4 lakh records in a database!! :-\


raj said...


Instance 1 : Two guys on the verge of attempting suicide, decide to call a helpline before terminating their lives.

The helpline person picking up the calls, enter "How to save lives" in his system. The query this blog owner had written takes eternity. End result : Two lives saved

Instance 2: A Doomsday bomb is planted and is about to be go off in 4 minutes. Mike, the hacker needs to diffuse it. The password is in a database. He queries the password. fyi, the query is written by this blog owner. The hour glass symbol is dancing in mike's computer. KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!.

Blog Owner in heaven. I DONT CARE!!!

Pun intended, and hopefully served.

uma kumar said...

poor sw techies
that includes my hubby too

GoodEarth said...

You are an "exceptional" girl Revs!! :P

Sujatha said...

LOL Revs, you sound sooooooo pathetic :P

Ashwin said...

Be happy that u just have 4 lakh record :)

I am in a data migration project involving a blob objects. It runs from 30 nodes and it takes 2 days for migration completion. Any day i would prefer a query for 190 seconds or whatever :)

why the hell is client calling infosys to do an oracle to DB2 data migration??????

I looked @ my comment above & it sounds pathetic :) i have started lamenting technically :)

PS: Planning to crash the client Db by an overloaded query the day i am going to resign :)

Anonymous said...

here you go..yet another unwilling IT professional..

So when are you getting out and doing the do?

- T'tor

Revs!! said...

LOL!! i cant stop laughing after reading your comment but frankly do u really think they would let a half baked person like me write such important queries?? :D:D
//Blog Owner in heaven
I knew it!! i soooooo knew it. heaven is the place i should go to and not hell like most ppl think!! :P

heh!! thanks for visiting :)

lol. thanks!!

talk about geeky comments!! for every post i get at least one geeky comment!!
//Planning to crash the client Db by an overloaded query the day i am going to resign

Great!! you are the man!! :)

@ashwin a.k.a tormentor
//So when are you getting out and doing the do?

will answer this when i have an answer!! :)

Kausikram Krishnasayee said...

if things become too depressing then use the two sweet words
"DROP *"

>>Jass<< said...

Why did it have to be "Mr." miserable query?

On second thoughts, don't answer that! I Don't care!:D

Anonymous said...

Happy Independence Day...At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the whole world (Chacha didnt know that small countries like our Amreeca was awake) is sleeping, India will awake (to wat, miserable queries?) to life and freedom...hmmm...I am off shoot...anyways...dare you care!! ;)

Sanket said...

If you so hate coding and programming in general, why are you still working in that industry? I mean, it's not the fault of your colleagues or boss to expect efficient queries, it's your job!
I am assuming here that you were serious while writing this and not just frustrated at that instant of time :)

G said...

4 lakh rows in database or a single table ?

Prashanth said...

You seem know so much abt SQL queries!!! :P

BTW... why would you optimize the query? Isn't there supposed to be a CoE which does that?

Prashanth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jaya S said...

Next you'll probably be asking that having databases be made a crime. That would leave us jobless. Can hardly wait!

Niveditha said...

he he...
good. don't care.. they arent gonna give us anything in life anyways...
waste of time.. waste of energy.. waste of our attention... :P

Sanket said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sanket said...

@ Revs,
Ohk!! Considering the recent 'employee welfare' initiatives by your employer (refer to lunch subsidy and medical HRA), you ought to be frustrated!

Btw, you might wanna edit the first word of the second sentence :D :P

Revathi said...

yeah!! thanks. thats a sure shot way of being thrown outta the company!! ;)

:). i dunno!! :P

heh heh!! sigh. i know. my post as much sense as ur comment did but then what the hell!! :P

if u think i was serious maybe u were in an errr inebriated state!! :P
kidding sanket. am not serious, just frustrated

table, table!! sigh!! :-\
thanks for visiting and errr pointing out the error!! :D

dud-huh!! i dunno!!
Thanks for visiting!! :)

ha ha ha ha!! :D

Ah!! yeah!! well said!! :). Thanks for visiting!! :)

Phew!! whoa!! Thanks a lot for pointing out that man!! :D

Goofy said...

Are SQL Gods listening to this distress call?

deepa said...

i second wat u say,
'My parents DID NOT give birth to me 22 years back for me to sit and optimize queries'!!!!! join de club!!!!