Inspired by arun I decided to write a sequel to “THIS”. I forgot to write about the one situation which sends shivers down my spine even as I think of it.
Passport photographs: now I have never really understood the concept behind taking passport size photos. Right from class 6th onwards when I got my first passport size photograph taken, I have dreaded sitting in front of some unknown person who asks me to lift my chin, smile a little, straighten my hair, hide my bald pate etc. I don’t understand. Why do u need passport size photos for exam application forms? I mean ok. If u know you are going to top the state and expect to see ur picture in the paper with a caption below which reads “Srinivasan Ananthakrishnan (errr.yeah. These toppers, I have noticed, usually have names like that!! :P) has topped the state with a whooping 495/500 and the last time he saw a TV or read something other than subject books was when Rajiv Gandhi was assassinated”.
Ok. I know I am being sarcastic but coming back to the point if you know you are state topper material then it makes sense to paste ur photo in the application form. For normal folks like me who get the 1258748th rank in state and the only way we can have our picture in the paper is, if someone is kind enough to write an obituary with a picture for u. why the hell do I need passport size photos? I am not exaggerating when I say that not even one passport size photo of mine looks decent. In most of them I look like some serial killer who gets pleasure out of gouging out the eyes of her victims, drinking their blood and wearing a chain made of eye balls. And remember I am not exaggerating.
And it doesn’t help that I get my passport size photos taken at this place in adyar which is run by a woman and a man who loathe smiling as much as I loathe being photographed. I mean they NEVER give any expression. They have this deadpan expression on their face all the time which betrays no emotion and even a person as charming as me has been unable to penetrate their thick skins!! :P. Most of the times this is the conversation between us
Me: passport size photo?
Lady: mhmmh kum ulla oklum
Me: (thinking) errr. Sorry ma’am I don’t understand Swahili, or was that Maori?
Me: eh? Sorry?
Lady: mhmmh kum ulla oklum
She says again pointing to a dark room at the rear of the studio.
(sitting on a small stool in a dark room staring at a man who looks like he has never seen sun light in his life)
Man: look at the red light
I sincerely look at the red light
Man: chin up, eyes down
I Chin up and look down.
Man: small smile please
I mentally strangle him, slit his throat and gouge his eyes out. The image gives me a lot of happiness and a smile creeps on my face
Man: give good smile please
Me (mentally): eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Baring all my teeth
Man: look to the left and straighten ur shoulders.
Finally after giving me approximately 45637 instructions he clicks, the flash blinds my eye and I close them.
Man: one more photo ku okkarunga. You have closed ur eyes in this one.
After about 20 minutes which would even test the patience of mother teresa the ordeal is over and the result is a photo which would fit perfectly in the wanted list in the police stations and looks nothing like a person who wants to apply for admission into a prestigious university!! :-\
Till date I strongly believe that I didn’t get admission into any of the colleges that I wished for only because of my photo. :-P.