I am sitting in a meeting room listening to something which I don’t understand, listening to some technology which is beyond me, an application which I wont use, a knowledge which I cannot appreciate. Yes I am bored, yes I am sleepy and it will not look nice if I suddenly fall asleep on the glass table when 10 other people are listening intently. Hence I am doing what I do when I dunno what to do. I am writing. It is at the most inappropriate of times that I decide to do some introspection. I mean right now I am supposed to be listening, understanding and absorbing a new earth shattering application. Everyone else around me thinks I am scribbling some notes related to the meeting in my notepad. I cant help but smile when I think of how they would react if they really knew what I was writing. Oh shit!! A team mate of mine just saw me grinning and wants to know what I find funny. Turns out she is also bored. Think Revs think. What is so funny about this meeting/application that makes u smile?
"heh heh!!" I smile lamely "her voice" I say pointing to the phone from which emanates the voice of a lady who is teaching us how to use the application. "is so funny"
"heh heh" my team mate laughs
"heh heh" I reply
I am sure she thinks I have an IQ lower that lowest form of aquatic life. Whatever!! I am used to that!!
Ah!! Where was I ? yeah!! Introspection. Coming back to that. There is a voice inside me which is asking me "why are u doing this? Why are u even sitting here pretending to listen but paying as much attention as this country pays to its women (my blood boils as I think of the fact that Mysore issue and the Karnataka CM's statements about it. Maybe I will write about it next. But I need to simmer a little down to write about it. On second thoughts Maybe i wont write about it. This blog never made any sense anyway and i would hate for it to do so suddenly!! hmmm)
For the first time in my life I find myself shutting out my inner voice because for the first time I dunno what answer to give!! Why am I doing this? Why am I sitting in this room listening to some application which is earth shattering and I am about as interested in listening to it as you would be in getting ur daughter married to dawood Ibrahim. There is a saying which goes like this
"if u don’t do what u like u will eventually end up liking what u do"?
I am scared. I am scared a day will come when I will go "sigh!! how beautiful. What grace. What panache" and shed happy tears when I see a java code compiling or an sql query working. I hope that never happens to me.
Rofl!! A team mate just asked me if I was taking down notes and I cant help laughing out aloud. Another team mate quips "Revathi and taking down notes. humph" she smirks. "you have got to be kidding. Must be writing a blog" . I am glad for her support. I guess I must be really really predictable.
Anyway I am not complaining. I am really not. I am just errr..musing!! :rolling eyes: I love my life as it is now but sometimes I feel it really has no meaning. Sometimes I have these troughs in my life’s graph (this is one of them after a long crest period!! :)) when I feel I could have done something else, been someone else, done something I really like to do. Hmmmm. Sighhhhh. I hate the 'if only..' phases of my life.
Ewwww. Another team mate of mine just saw that I had written 2 pages and wants to read what I have written. I better stop now and continue my ramblings. Maybe when the next meeting happens. In S/W companies trust me there is no dearth of silly meetings!!
P.S: Yep!! Coding phase of my project has started!! Pretty evident huh?? ;)